Hours after he issued a defiant non-apology over a series of homophobic Tweets and jokes, news broke that Kevin Hart had stepped down as host of the Oscars.
The Academy has given no clear indication as to who they might hire to replace him, so until they do, here are some possible Kevin Hart substitutes to help get them started:
Nick Kroll and John Mulaney have been killing it recently as hosts of the Film Independent Spirit Awards – their opening monologue from this year had me laughing so hard I may have actually coughed up a lung, and they are easily ready to take on an Oscars-sized gig.
From acting to directing to writing to music, Donald Glover has proved that he can pretty much do it all at once, so the guy could easily knock an Academy Awards hosting job out of the park, while simultaneously creating a new TV series and debuting a new musical alter ego of some sort.
If the Oscars are truly serious about combating homophobia, then they should put their money where their mouth is and hire Gritty. Since throwing the first brick at Stonewall in 1969, Gritty has fought tirelessly for LGBT rights, and he is also my dad, and I love my filthy orange dad Gritty and there’s not much more to say about that. Just let him host.
My mum and dad Kristen Wiig and Steve Carell have great chemistry together, and I feel deep down in my bones that neither one of them would ever pull a Kevin Hart and say some homophobic bullshit. In fact, as beloved duos go, they are second only to …
Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph. Come on, let’s do this.
Octavia Spencer won an Oscar for The Help and was nominated again for Hidden Figures and The Shape Of Water, but more importantly for our purposes, she is a GODDAMN DELIGHT and frankly I don’t even know if the Academy Awards even deserve her.
Just putting this one out here as a wild card: Rita Ora. It’s really been her year.
Here’s another Kevin Hart replacement out of left field: Willam and Shangela. The Drag Race faves killed it in A Star Is Born and you know they would kill it on the Oscars stage too. Would the Academy be brave enough to do this? Abso-fucking-lutely not, but a boy can dream I guess.