Notorious Love Sook Jarrod Confirms He’s Gonna Be On ‘Bachie In Paradise’

jarrod woodgate bachelor in paradise announcement

Well, we all knew this was coming, didn’t we? After crushingly striking out in the final round for Sophie Monk‘s heart on The Bachelorette, Jarrod Woodgate, the man who seemed to personify the Stage Five Clinger, has confirmed that he’s taken part in the recently-wrapped first season of Australia‘s Bachelor In Paradise.

Dressed in an appallingly Christmas-y suit, replete with Santa hat, the 32-year-old vineyard manager appeared on Channel 10‘s morning talk show Studio 10 to drop the news.

The red-faced man appeared to be in his element, surrounded by women of a certain age who were very accommodating with the thrilled shrieks at the announcement.

It’s a weird bind that the contestants must be in, having clearly signed non-disclosure agreements that force them to speak as though their recently-finished season is still in the future and they haven’t definitely shagged a number of other ‘Bachie‘ alumni. Jarrod’s little speech is a great example of those mental gymnastics working at slightly less than peak performance:

Now I can say that I’ve finally done a circle around the island and I’m open to the idea of falling in love again and I’m pleased to announce that I am actually on Bachelor In Paradise.

So hopefully I’m going to have this chance to actually, now that I’m a lot more calmer and collected and I’ve reflected a lot about myself, I can now move on and find that right girl and hopefully my soulmate.

Then he talked awkwardly about his tan.

Look, mate, it can’t be easy to watch yourself chuck a tantrum over a possibly pissed-in pot plant on national television, so we’ve got to give you credit for being willing to dive in to the fray again. This is a bloke who genuinely, truly wants to find love, and will pursue it despite being excruciatingly easy to take the piss out of, and that’s gotta be worth something.

So bless and good luck, Jarrod. Considering that nemesis Blake Colman is also rumoured to have taken part, we hope the producers had the decency to put you up on opposite ends of the island (probability factor: next to zero).