What if I told you that in the background of most House of the Dragon (HotD) scenes were graphic depictions of people sucking, fucking and shucking their way to completion? You probably wouldn’t be too surprised given the nature of the show, but I’m positively shooketh that I missed all this action sitting there in plain sight.
There are quite a few things we’ve learnt about the Targaryens throughout the years: they aren’t actually immune to fire (Daenerys is just special), they all have white hair, they love to dabble in incest and they’ll discard all their morals and principles in a moment’s notice if you give them enough seasons in the hands of David Benioff and Daniel Weiss.
One thing Game of Thrones never captured that House of the Dragon has is just how sex-crazed the Targaryens were when they were in their prime. I mean a whole family of incestuous, orgy-obsessed freaks who ride dragons?
No wonder they held the throne for so many years (so much so that half of them were killed by its blades).
If you’re not fully convinced that the Targaryens love sex because King Viserys oozes unsexiness out the wazoo, allow me to show you what decorates every *ahem* inch of the castle.
Here we see massive throbbing cocks behind the traumatic childbirth scene in episode 1. I definitely missed this one because my eyes were covered through most of the scene, but it’s definitely the most obvious tapestry of the lot.
There were also people being dicked down in the royal dining room. Although the show is so fkn dark that you’d be forgiven for missing this one.
There are also huge orgies popping off in the king’s Dungeons & Dragons minifigure playroom. Nothing like playing with toys in historically accurate depictions of castles while four women form a circle using only their naked bodies!
And of course there were sexy tapestries in the scene where Princess Rhaenys Targaryen was sitting there for no real reason waiting to have a sassy conversation with whichever poor sod walked her way.
Nothing like talking Rhaenyra out of her ambitions for the thrones while two guys plough the lights out of someone.
I’m excited to see more sex tapestries appear in the upcoming episodes of the show.
Now that you know they’re there, always hiding, always fucking, you’ll definitely notice them more.
You can catch House of the Dragon on Binge now.
