J.K. Rowling will not – and it appears cannot – stop revealing completely random details about the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. A few months ago, Rowling said witches and wizards used to shit on the floor of Hogwarts – anywhere, any time, and then cast it away with a flick of their wands. Now, Rowling has shared that the young Dumbledore and Fantastic Beasts villain Gellert Grindelwald used to passionately fuck everywhere except the movies and well, books.
In 2007, Rowling announced that Dumbledore was gay and fell in love with Grindelwald. She described their love story as a “great tragedy” because ya know, Grindelwald was into the dark arts.
It was passionate, and it was a love relationship. But as it happens in any relationship, gay or straight or whatever label we want to put on it, one never knows really what the other person is feeling. You can’t know, you can believe you know. So I’m less interested in the sexual side – though I believe there is a sexual dimension to this relationship – than I am in the sense of the emotions they felt for each other, which ultimately is the most fascinating thing about all human relationships.
Immediately, Rowling copped a fine roasting on social media for this latest glorious addition because frankly ??? However, some fans were also disappointed by Rowling’s handling of the news, believing it to be too little, too late in the Harry Potter universe.
The thing that bothers me most about Rowling going into the “intense sexual relationship” of Dumbledore and Grindewald is that after being criticized for glossing over queer characters except in interviews, she reduced calls for real queer rep to “give us kinky sex details!”— Exorcising Emily (@exorcisingemily) March 17, 2019
“Like, way to miss the point and undermine everything you COULD have done to rectify the mistake of leaving Dumbledore’s orientation out of canon. This further reduces queer relationships and queer characters just to sex in media commentary. Which is the last thing we needed,” the tweeter continued.
As for these next few tweets, they will destroy you.
Nobody:— jon (@prasejeebus) March 17, 2019
J.K. Rowling: Dumbledore ate the peach from Call Me By Your Name
bro imagine dumbledore looking into that fucking wish mirror and he’s just getting his dick sucked by johnny depp— Eddy Burback (@eddyburback) March 17, 2019
no one:— Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai) March 17, 2019
jk rowling: dumbledore’s asshole looks like a dangling christmas stocking full of loose nickels
Not a soul:— RiotGrl???? (@ErinLea7) March 17, 2019
JK Rowling: Dumbledore was a Dumblewhore for Grindelwald.
Literally NO ONE:— RIP PROPESCI???? (@TODOROKlP) March 16, 2019
JK Rowling: Dumbledore liked it raw
nobody:— tom (@tom_harlock) March 17, 2019
jk rowling: dobby loves piss play
Nobody:— Genki (@Genki_Rocket) March 17, 2019
JK Rowling: You know what else was nine and three quarters?
us: can we get the marau-— amy (@rlandsbindaclub) March 17, 2019
jk rowling: no
jk rowling: the restricted section of hogwarts was restricted because that's where dumbledore hid his gay erotica
I’m lowkey impressed with JK Rowling’s ability to retroactively write-in politically right on messages into her universe long after those struggles have been won, despite creating the fictional universe at exactly the point that those messages might have been useful— Huw Lemmey (@huwlemmey) March 17, 2019
Nobody:— carter (@carterhambley) March 17, 2019
J.K. Rowling: Dumbledore’s patronus is the Grindr logo
No one:— Quinta. (@quintabrunson) March 17, 2019
JK Rowling: Dumbledore had sex with you once and you didn’t even know it
if jkr wanted me to believe dumbledore and grindelwald were boning 24-7 they really should’ve stuck with colin farrell— sheila girlface (@buttcasino) March 17, 2019
You sit down on a couch in JK Rowling’s house and she’s like, “Careful, Dumbledore got railed there.”— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) March 17, 2019
nobody:— rose ???? (@kerocore) March 17, 2019
j.k. rowling: rumor has it that dumbledore made a video called 2 guys 1 goblet
Eventually J.K. Rowling will give an interview that includes showing off a picture she drew of Dumbledore’s penis.— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) March 17, 2019