Christmas might be the most wonderful time of the year (yes, Grinches, it is, OKAY) but sweet baby Jesus is Christmas shopping the worst fucking thing in existence.
Maybe Satan on purpose fills shopping centres with slow-walkers, people who don’t know how to operate prams, and people who can’t master texting and manoeuvring through crowds to spite Baby Jesus before his birthday. I’d believe it – somehow everyone becomes more fucking stupid and less efficient.
Like, don’t we all NOT want to be here? Then why is ANYONE calling Aunty Jean while standing on the right hand side of the escalator and then ambling off at the pace of a snail?
Because of this Christmas hell, I’ve rounded up the places where you can shop in peace – by which I mean in the dead of night, when all the terrible human beings have long gone to bed. Imagine calming muzak playing and almost zero people in your way. It’s proper shopping heaven.
Here’s just some of the excellent Christmas hours for your shopping pleasure.
CHADSTONE, MELBOURNE
Have a lil’ nap til 9pm and then roll on in to Chadstone, because they’re opening ’til midnight for this entire week, until Xmas Eve.
HIGHPOINT, MELBOURNE
HELL YEAH – Highpoint’s doing trading ’til 11.59pm every day this week, finishing up on Saturday 23rd.
WESTFIELD PARRAMATTA, SYDNEY
God bless all-nighter shopping hours – Parra’s doing ‘Non-Stop Shop’, running from 9.30am on Thursday 21st December until 9pm Friday 22nd. That means you can roll in at 3am, when literally NO ONE will be there, and shop up a fucking storm.
Except me. I will be there, but I promise I will not slow walk or randomly weave all over the place for no reason.
CHATSWOOD CHASE, SYDNEY
https://www.instagram.com/p/BcjAAGOF4Ic/?taken-by=chatswoodchasesydney
Shop until 10pm on Thursday and Friday this week at Chatswood Chase.
MACQUARIE CENTRE, SYDNEY
These guys are trading til midnight on Thursday, so hightail it over there at like, 10pm?
WESTFIELD SYDNEY, SYDNEY
Get your after work shopping done right through ’til 9pm tonight through Wednesday this week, or stick around until 11.59pm on December 21st.
WESTFIELD BONDI JUNCTION, SYDNEY
BJ’s open until 11.59pm on Thursday the 21st, but look as someone who frequents there a LOT – it’ll probs still be loaded with humans.
CHARLESTOWN SQUARE, NEWCASTLE
Enjoy shopping ’til exactly 11.59PM at Charlestown Square – if you pop in at 10.30pm I reckon you’ll be greeted with little to no human life, besides lovely retail staff free to help you with your annoying cousin’s gift.
WESTFIELD BELCONNEN, CANBERRA
Canberrians, hit up Belconnen ‘tlil 11.59PM on Wednesday 20th, or enjoy their 9pm late night trade on Friday 22nd, if you really wanna leave shit til the last second of life.
CANBERRA CENTRE, CANBERRA
Hit up Canberra Centre until 9pm on the 20th, 21st and 22nd December.
PACIFIC FAIR, GOLD COAST
Pac Fair is doing midnight trading on the 21st and 22nd December, and they’ll be open ’til 10pm on the 23rd. So why even bother shopping early, amirite?
KARRINYUP CENTRE, PERTH
Karrinyup’s open ’til 9pm from Tuesday – Friday this week, which means you can whiz in after work.
FORREST CHASE, PERTH
This guy’s open til 9pm ALL WEEK, through to the 23rd December.
MACARTHUR CENTRAL, BRISBANE
Shop until 9pm Monday – Wednesday this week at MacArthur Central, or until midnight on the 21st and 22nd.
THE MYER CENTRE, BRISBANE
Shop until midnight on Thursday and Friday at The Myer Centre.
WESTFIELD MARION, ADELAIDE
https://www.instagram.com/p/BcyBbfDhaLM/?taken-by=westfieldmarion
This guy’s open til 9pm Monday til Wednesday this week, with trading ’til 11.59pm on Thursday.
