Channel Seven Axes Today Tonight

Like a tree felled by an opportunistic tradesperson who’s stealing your job in visa scam that’s also single-handedly responsible for both the gross inflation of white bread prices, a glam obesity epidemic, soaring credit card debt and a miracle new cure for acne, Channel Seven has today confirmed that they’re axing the tutting nightly-news clusterfuck that makes about as much sense as the above disembodied clauses suggest, Today Tonight. 

Replacing the terrible decision made in 1995 that would go on to be responsible for enriching the lives of pensioners who couldn’t find the remote with fascinating exposés on trolls, the dangers of everything ever and, geez, these ungodly assholes, will be an hour-long news bulletin in Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane. 

The obstinate, noxious weed of current affairs programming will continue to air local bulletins in Adelaide and Perth, where it’s considered something of a “really important local window,” according to CEO Tim Worner

The permatanned, sculpted youths of Adelaide live to party on primetime another day. 

via Mumbrella