‘Celebrity Splash’ Lands The Celebrity Hosts It Deserves

The number of like-minded folk who gather early of an autumn morning at the local pool to practice their 2 ½ twists continues to grow with news today that affable Morning Show co-hosts Kylie Gillies and Larry Emdur will reportedly be taking charge of the televised amateur diving squad. 

Kylie and Larry, whose portmanteau sounds like a New Zealander saying ‘calorie’ [‘Kylarry’], will apply a rigorous regime of light-hearted banter and playful high jinks to the weekly Celebrities Anonymous meetings, airing next month under the tentative working title ‘Celebrity Splash.’
Gillies and Emdur, the bleached teeth and co-chairs of Seven’s Breakfast Club, are the latest additions to what News Media are calling “an already celeb-packed cast” of the “much-anticipated show;” a rag-tag motley crew that includes a track diva, a TV diva, a pageant diva, a radio diva, a Bra Boy diva and a shitzu [diva].
In related Vaguely Familiar People Clad In Lycra Hurling Themselves Toward The Earth news, pallid and bloated reports have surfaced that the show will no longer be airing live. Instead, diving segments will be pre-recorded as of next week to prevent the airing of inevitable swimsuit and gravity related misadventures. It’s currently unknown whether the light-hearted banter and playful high jinks of Kylarry will also be extensively rehearsed and pre-recorded. 
However, there’s also a chance that maybe the final episode will air in real time, live and moderately censored. 
Anything else would be considered too risky, considering all the celebrité that’s at stake; who would want to leave all that to chance?