Honest question: Is The Bachelorette just fucking with us? Are the men always this insane? Or is Sophie Monk so damn sparkly that she’s making the rest of them look dull and flat in comparison?
So far on the show, we’ve had ‘young, hot, but probably not gonna make the top three’ (Apollo), ‘gets a teensy bit of attention once and is ready to propose marriage / lock the other blokes up in the basement’ (Jarrod), ‘most likely to get dumped and rant to his friends that Sophie wasn’t all that great, anyway’ (Ryan), and now ‘objectifies a woman TO HER FACE’ (Sam).
Oh Sam. We were rooting for you. The stunt with your nephews? Cute as shit. The stunt last night? Go the fuck home.
Last night’s group date was the ‘photoshoot’ one, where producers make some contestants look hot and others look like dweebs to see who’ll crack first.
The theme was ‘famous couples in history’, which led to Sam and Sophie dressing up as good ol’ Robin Hood and Maid Marian, and poor James donning the brown robes of the Fat Friar, fat suit and all.
Still, he took it like an absolute champ. That is the way to Sophie’s heart, mates: not being afraid to look like an ass.
Sam, the 31-year-old voiceover artist who looks a little bit like Brad Pitt if you squint a lot, did not.
Things didn’t start off well.
“I think I got the best character, not gonna lie,” said James, obviously joking.
“Robin Hood is pretty good I think,” said Sam, to the sounds of the joke wooshing straight over his luscious head combover. “I basically use you.”
Er…. come again?
But then when the photographer asked Sophie to lean into Sam, he looked down at her, looked up, looked around at anyone watching and announced, “I just looked at her breasts.”
“You’re not meant to tell me,” said Sophie.
But, literally 10 seconds later, he hollered, “I just looked at them again!” And then he added, in his defence, “I’ve been in a mansion with MEN.”
Let us all take a moment to grieve.
*praying 4 u*
Suffice to say that Twitter was not at all impressed.
Sophie: *stands there*
Sam: Oh my gosh did you see her boobs she has a boobs and I saw one of them and it looked at me. #BacheloretteAU— Kara Schlegl (@karaschlegl) September 21, 2017
Imagine thinking “I’ve been with only men for a week” was a justifiable reason for being a lecherous dick? #BacheloretteAU
— jemima ✨ (@jemimaskelley) September 21, 2017
https://twitter.com/ImogenDunlevie/status/910812133406806016
Sam be like: ‘Wait, you’re not supposed to objectify a woman to her face?’ #bacheloretteau pic.twitter.com/6Nj69aZ7LQ
— Nikki (@randomlilnikki) September 21, 2017
Sam sets my teeth on edge. I know he’s not been cast as the Main Villain – but by jove, he’s bugging me. #BacheloretteAU
— Danielle Binks (@danielle_binks) September 21, 2017
Sam: “I know how to date women” *proceeds to tell Sophie monk how much he’s looking at her breasts* #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/bppbGSVh8f
— ✨ Denym Rose ✨ (@DenymRose) September 21, 2017
James, on the other hand, wasn’t having a bar of it, reprimanding Sam in a jokey kind of way that he shouldn’t talk like that “in front of a priest” (the Fat Friar, geddit?).
“When James stood up for me, that just made my day,” said Sophie, proving once and for all that being a weird, self-entitled ass will never win the lady’s heart.
May I present…. the hero in the godawful bowl cut.
