Over the weekend—upstaging Australian nerds’ collective wet dream, Supanova, by great, impressive strides—Comic-Con descended on San Diego, and way too much happened, least of all being these fucking adorable cosplaying kids, who clearly all need to give it a rest.
Aside from the Jennifer Lawrence Hunger Games trailer, the first look at the Veronica Mars movie, The Walking Dead’s Season Four release date and trailer, and the Game Of Thrones torturous ‘in memoriam’ video for every fallen character in Westeros because apparently we hadn’t already suffered enough, there was an exhausting amount of news to emerge from the weekend in San Diego. Prepare a brown paper bag, friends, because there’s some pretty great news that made Comic-Con a geek’s Christmas in July:
LONG LOST STAR WARS BLOOPER REEL EMERGES
It’s cruel, bittersweet news knowing that a blooper reel from Star Wars Episode IV exists, long lost for 36 years since the film’s1977 release. Bitter, because filming the reel at its showing at Comic-Con was banned and copyright will mean it’s unlikely we’ll see it ourselves for some time; sweet, because the highlights are reported to include: “A squad of stormtroopers blows open a door on the Death Star, but a piece of the set about three feet high remains. The stormtroopers attempt to hop over the board, tumbling on to the other side as if emerging from a clown car.” <3
GEORGE R R MARTIN SMASHES A GUITAR BECAUSE HE’LL FINISH WRITING ‘THE WINDS OF WINTER’ WHEN HE WANTS, DAMMIT
In a staged, glorious appearance at Comic Con, Game Of Thrones author and provoker of heartbreaks George R. R Martin came on stage during comedic musicians Paul & Storm, while they were playing their song “Write Like The Wind”, a song attempting to inspire Martin to finish his upcoming novel The Winds Of Winter in his Song Of Ice And Fire series, already. Martin, with crossed arms struts on to the stage like the boss that he is, and proceeds to destroy a guitar. Do those R.R’s in your name stand for RECKLESS. RUTHLESS. Martin, you fucking beautiful man? Neil Gaiman perpetuated his ‘George R. R. Martin Is Not Your Bitch” reputation by joining Martin on stage, asking the musicians to repeat after him, “George R.R Martin Is not your what?”; “George R.R Martin is not our bitch.”
BREAKING BAD TEASES SEASON FIVE PART TWO, BRYAN CRANSTON TROLLS IN WALTER WHITE MASK
Bryan Cranston swanned about the Comic-Con halls dodging swarms of crowds by donning the perfect, satisfyingly meta disguise: a Walter White mask. News on the next season airing on August 11 was disappointingly scarce, apart from the announcement that moderator Chris Hardwick will host a series of talk shows that will air after each Breaking Bad episode from August 11, called “Talking Bad”, because you can’t watch Breaking Bad without breathlessly analysing it ad nauseum afterwards. A teaser trailer for part two of season five aired at the Breaking Bad panel, but audience members have let us down and footage is yet to find its way on the internet. However, The Hollywood Reporter describes the trailer as:
“Walt is shown entering the abandoned home, which is dirty, empty and
messy with flies (Skateboarders are seen skating in the White family’s
backyard pool, which has been drained of water.) He removes an outlet
cover on the wall to reveal the small tube of ricin he (and, presumably
at one point, viewers thought) used to poison young Brock in season four
(though the first episode of season five saw Walt disposing of the Lily
of the Valley plant in his backyard – a clue that he may have used
poisonous berries instead to harm the child.)
Written on the walls of the White family living room is one word in
graffiti scrawl: HEISENBERG. Walt leaves the house and says, casually,
to a shocked neighbor who sees him opening and closing a car trunk
filled with firearms: “Hello, Carol.”
In the meantime, calm your anxiety at Season Five Parts Two’s so close but yet so far release with this supercut of Walt yelling at Jesse, take comfort in knowing that there’s so much for of this to come:
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER CAST EXPLAIN THE LAST SEASON, SEEING AS THE MOTHER HAS ALREADY BEEN MET:
Last season, How I Met Your Mother teased out its entire premise and revealed the mother of Ted’s children, which left some wondering about how the next season will play out, seeing as we don’t need to worry about who the mystery gurl of Ted’s dreams is. The panel revealed that the upcoming and final season 9 will take place over one weekend during Robin and Barney’s wedding: “Everyone is heading off to this wedding, and we sort of have this new
framework,” said Bays. “We want to stress the word ‘framework,’ because
we don’t want people to think there [will be] four hours of flower
arranging. We’re always going to be flashing back and flashing forward.
Decades will span over the course of this weekend” said co-creator Carter Bays. There’s also going to be an entire episode dedicated to the recurrent “Slap Bet”.
SUPERMAN AND BATMAN TEAM UP IN THE NEXT MAN OF STEEL MOVIE; IT WON’T BE CALLED SUPERBAT
You guys.
KICK ASS 2 RELEASE TRAILER, NO COMMENT FROM JIM CARREY, AWKWARD
Last month, Jim Carrey all but disowned the sequel to Kick Ass which he stars in, saying last December’s Sandy Hook shootings were too tragic to allow him to promote such gun violence that plays out in the sequel, with a tweet that had Kick Ass 2 producers *head desk-ing*; because FFS, Carrey, pipe down about your own work:
I did Kickass a month b4 Sandy Hook and now in all good conscience I cannot support that level of violence. My apologies to e
— Jim Carrey (@JimCarrey) June 23, 2013
On the weekend, the extended, NSFW trailer for the film Jim Carrey doesn’t really want you to see was released:
TOM HIDDLETON ADDRESSES AUDIENCE IN CHARACTER AS LOKI, EVERYONE LOSES IT
Appearing before an audience of fans as your normal, boring self is one thing, but Tom Hiddelton did Comic-Con right and showed up as his Thor character Loki, because nobody could really care what his alter ego Tom Hiddleton has to say, but everyone really, really cares and will literally obey the commands of Loki, as if their fandom dreams had literally come to life. Hiddelton Loki had a crowd right where he wanted them, caressing them with sweet insults and demanding they kneel before him (they did). In his full Loki attire, he said, “Humanity! Look how far you’ve fallen. Lining up in the heat. Chattering together in the dark – like beasts!” Nerds were swooning like damsels in distress in droves, redefining the sickening term ‘nerdgasm’ to a new, unsightly climax. It was just too much. He continued, “Feast your eyes!” as he unveiled footage of the upcoming film, Thor: The Dark World.
It got pretty intense:
ENDER’S GAME TRAILER PREMIERS, PRODUCERS ADDRESS CONTROVERSY
The trailer for the film adaptation of Orson Scott Card’s cult sci-fi novel, Ender’s game, premiered at Comic-Con, featuring Harrison Ford as the film’s protagonist. Controversy and boycotts have shrouded the film, due to Orson Scott Card’s homophobic writings and public opposition to gay marriage. Producer Robert Orci responded to a question about the controversy, reiterating that the film and novel are separate entities and that Lionsgate is in fierce support of LGBT rights: “Particularly because the message of the book and of the movie is tolerance, compassion, empathy — all things that we hope are going to live on long beyond statements that any of us make. And so, rather than shy away from the controversy, we’re happy to embrace it and use the spotlight to say we support LGBT rights and human rights” Author of the 1985 novel set in the future, Orson Scott Card previously said Ender’s Game was an “unfilmable book, not because of too much violence, but because everything takes place in the ender’s head.” Despite this, it looks like they’re doing a pretty okay job, so deal with it:
DAN HARMON SAYS HE’S A CREEPY JERK, HOPES FOR COMMUNITY SEASON SIX
After being fired from Community Season 4, Dan Harmon is on board as showrunner of season five, but knows he has a lot to make up for, and that the stakes are high. He said, as he was dressed in an iron man outfit, for some reason: “I feel a tremendous amount of pressure that will hopefully translate into [a good] show. I really have to make these 13 count. I don’t consider them the last 13. I’m going to do everything I can to get that sixth season,” he promised. Responding to the comments that he didn’t really enjoy Season Four, Harmon apologised to Comic-Con attendees for potentially upsetting them with his negativity: “A fan of ‘Community’ does not have to be a fan of Dan Harmon and vice versa. I’m a creepy jerk.”
Hoping real hard that Harmon resurrects the golden age of season one:
METALLICA REVEAL FILM “METALLICA THROUGH THE NEVER”
Metallica has decided to release a hybrid concert/feature film called Metallica Through The Never, and because that didn’t sound horrible enough already, it’s going to be in IMAX 3D. “Pure bliss”, said no one at Comic-Con. Aside from releasing the trailer for the film, Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett had something gross to say about the presence of women and their surprising good looks at Comic-Con, advocating the important, desperate, meaningful cause of Nerd Rights: “Most jarring of all is that there are females and some of them are actually kind of attractive, and it’s very, very confusing for me,” Hammett said. “Where’s the room for the nerds now?! The nerds who used to come here are probably feeling alienated all over again.”
