If there’s one thing that’s destined to happen this weekend, it’s you ordering from a food delivery service.
spookey that we knew
Be it a hearty lasagna for a Friday night in, a juicy chicken burg for Saturday’s lunch or a bacon and egg extravaganza for your bleary-eyed Sunday morning, the inevitability of one of these meals is almost disturbing.
We all love the convenience of a hot, cooked meal delivered to our door, but have you ever considered what your favourite meal says about you? Or better yet, what your suburb’s most popular dish says about you?
Deliveroo have pulled a bunch of scoff-based stats from their users and figured out the most popular dish y’all are ordering, based on suburb.
The entirely legit, definitely-didn’t-just-do-an-arts-degree scientists here at PEDESTRIAN.TV have interpreted these factoids and matched them with whomst you are, in a weird food-cum-astrology hybrid sure to get your mouth watering.
NEW SOUTH WALES
Lower North Shore – Mac and Cheese from Johnny Bird
You are locked inside a bland bubble of laziness. Mac and cheese is insanely easy to make, and yet this is what you ordered? $100 says your labradoodle is getting more variety in his meal.
Bondi Junction – Tutti Frutti Waffle from Max Brenner
This is pretty deeply Bondi – there’s fruit on it so you can convince yourself its the healthiest thing on the menu while still drowning yourself in molten chocolate. Also great to shut the kids up when you’re lost deep in the bowels of the Junction on an accidental 12hr shopping trip and you only ducked out to get milk.
Glebe – Margherita from Apertivo
Oh Glebe. You think you’ve nailed it. You live in your suburb smooshed between the Inner West and the City, able to get anywhere and everywhere quickly. You know the neighbourhood’s dogs by name and you ‘do’ the markets on Saturdays. But then you go ahead and order your basic ass margherita pizza more than anything else – and Glebe has a lot of options for ‘anywhere’ else – and prove you’re just like the rest of those slightly-too-trendy suburbs: comfortable.
Cronulla – Tatter Totts with Sriracha Bacon & Nacho Cheese from Jake Chalmers
This reeks of “I want to be daring and adventurous with my food but i still love a good honey chicken from the RSL.”
Coogee – Superfuel Salad from Nando’s
You’re an aggressively-chiseled personal trainer named Chad who loves a cheeky Nandos* with the lads.
*You only started eating Nandos once they introduced the Superfuel Salad, before that Nandos was a danger zone your temple-like body could not enter. Now you can actually go to dinner with your bros without packing your steamed broccoli and chicken.
Sydney Inner West – Mr Papadopoulos from Jimmy Grants
https://www.instagram.com/p/BdcB4X1hFLr/?taken-by=jimmygrants
You think you’re gritty and in touch with reality because you live near the commission flats, but really you’re as much of a yuppy as Coogee dwellers, just less tanned.
Marrickville – Vegan Fuh Noodle Soup from Eat Fuh
Nothing says Inner West quite like a good bowl of Vietnamese pho, but getting it in the vegan variety is practically screaming it from the rooftops. If you live in Marrickville and haven’t eaten at Eat Fuh, do you really live in Marrickville?
Pyrmont – Pannacotta with Fig Jam and Amaretti Biscuit from Gelato Messina
You’re a tourist. Welcome to Australia.
VICTORIA
Brunswick – Butter Chicken from Singh’s Gourmet Indian Food
Not one of your seven housemates have washed a dish in the last two weeks, so you were practically forced to order this.
Collingwood – A Traditional Bento Box from Ichi Ni Nana Izakaya
You have impeccable hygiene standards. You believe in renewable energy. You ride an Italian-frame bicycle. It has gears because you’re not a hipster. You’re working at an experimental architecture firm. You’re the most together of all your friends and you’re not an arsehole about it, making you even more of an arsehole.
Melbourne CBD – The Big Kahuna from Poked
You’re a WASPy YoPro who is hanging out for the weekend like you wouldn’t believe. You’ve been stuck in a spreadsheet for the past two years and this poke bowl is the closest thing you’ll have to a Hawaiian getaway this side of 40. We wish you luck, generally.
Elwood – Tender Beef Pho with Yellowfin Tuna & Wasabi Mayo from Hanoi Hannah
You’re aiming for a Bondi lifestyle minus the good weather and a decent beach, and you’ve trying to learn how to skateboard for the past three years with little to no success. Either that, or you’re a single, mid-thirties account manager whose expensive shoe and/or pho habit will dash all dreams of eventual home ownership.
Oakleigh – Lamb Kebab from Mums Kebabs
You know the difference between a home-cooked kebab-based meal, and a fast-food disgrace. Forget trendy inner-city cafes where you’ve gotta lick the Dr Martens of the insufferable wait staff for some tap water: you just want a kebab that tastes like real kebab, and Mums does it best.
QUEENSLAND
Paddington – Fritzen Burger from Fritzenberger
You moved outta your parents place and into Paddington with hopes and dreams of a charmed life full of vintage shopping, idyllic brunch spots and chic gastropubs, but no one told you about the hills. Those fucken hills. So these days, you just order in, because no vibe is worth a 90% incline. Shoulda stayed in Brookfield.
New Farm – Chicken and Halloumi from The Yiros Shop Fortitude Valley
You’ve had a large night and ended up in bed with a six or a seven. After partying at Sixes and Sevens, duh. And this morning, the only thing you can remember from the night is the unmistakable scent of fresh, fluffy pita that wafted into your face as you stumbled outta the club. You can’t go back to the scene of the crime, so instead you order it in, expertly avoiding the Kookai bag-swinging yuppies that crowd James St on your average Valley weekend.
Brisbane CBD – Burrito Bowl (GF) from Guzman Y Gomez
You’re pretty much exactly the same as the Melbourne and Sydney CBD dwellers, only you’re an inch less anal. Instead of working at an investment firm, you work in commercial real estate and live for casual Fridays. The burrito bowl encapsulates your restrained fun-loving attitude entirely. You want flavour without the guilt. Fun without needing to leave the confines of your desk. And there’s no way you’re letting a burrito wrap bog you down on that bloody long commute home outta the city.
Broadbeach – Lamb from the Spit from The Lamb Shop
Since Broadbeach has become a place of deep #blessed #wholesomeness, you’ve been too afraid to eat red meat in public. Oh, the shame. Now you devour your spit roast in the comfort of your activewear, in the comfort of your house, on the comfort of your couch.
Burleigh Heads – Choc Hazelnut (Ferraro) from Cold Rock
You spend most Sunday afternoons watching your boyfriend play guitar and sip coronas on the Burleigh Hill grassy knoll. When you’re with him, you pretend you’re a gluten-free goddess, but when you’re in the confines of your own home, you go hog wild. Full ferraro. Get ’em girl.
SOUTH AUSTRALIA
Glenelg – Hand-Made Ice Cream Shakes from Lord Of The Fries
You would usually brave Jetty Road for a couple of fresh scoops, but stuff elbowing several thousand children out of the way on your quest for creamy goodness. You want the beach vibes without the threat of sunburn, dairy, or being flattened by a tram.
Adelaide CBD – Authentic Mexican Beef Enchilada from Burp
You know the Adelaide CBD boasts the best produce market in Australia, but you also know Hindley Street is the city’s real culinary heart. You order it for the same reason you love Reds: it’s messy, it’s packed, and it’s best served late, late at night.
West Croydon – Satay Chicken from Wokinabox
Bachelor In Paradise is on, and things are heating up on the telly and on the couch. You’re just fine with getting a bit sticky and enjoying some nuts on a Tuesday night.
North Adelaide – White High Protein Flour, Thin Base & Proved for 72hrs pizza from Tony Tomatoes
What, Australia’s Pizza House is too good for you now? Coward.
Hazelwood Park – Crackling Roast Pork from Good Pho U
Dad won’t let you borrow the Porsche and mum’s on a week-long trip to the Barossa with her tennis coach, so you’re essentially stuck here. Luckily, you’re the kind of person who only needs to spend a few minutes on their phone to order some hot pigs to their door.
WESTERN AUSTRALIA
Fremantle – Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough with Vanilla Ice Cream from Ben & Jerry’s
You can be the world’s largest coffee snob/cold-pressed-juice-loving wanker, but when you’re hung, you’re hung. And while the challenge of keeping your delivery on the DL so as to not raise the unkempt eyebrows of the others living in your entirely superficial ‘commune’ is quite the undertaking, it’s worth it to keep up appearances.
Nedlands – Battler’s Wife from Bilby’s Chargrilled Burgers
Your mother keeps telling you that finding a husband is the most important outcome of attending university – and having had cash, dexamphetamine and prestige feed to you by her silver spoon all these years, you’re half inclined to believe her. Keep your chin up, gurl. There’s more to life than marrying well and buying aggressively over-priced local takeout.
Mount Lawley – Pan Seared Barramundi from Guzman y Gomez
Pan Seared Barramundi is the perfect cure for getting Pan Seared Barramunted last night. But given you’ve fallen into a vicious cycle of self-doubt and inward reflection prompted by an overconsumption of MDMA, getting Barramunted every night just ain’t as fun as it used to be.
West Perth – Buttermilk Fried Chicken from Jus Burgers
You’re a self-dubbed “foodie” and publicly shudder when someone shares their love for KFC. A bucket of processed chicken made by the corporate machine for dinner? Perish the thought. No, you’ll pay 47% more for stuff that tastes exactly the same in silent protest.
Applecross – 8 Churrasco BBQ Ribs w PERi-PERi chips from Nando’s
You’re the sort of person who takes a public temperature test of a brand to inform Instagram uploads. After asking, “Who here, like, gets around Nando’s?” completely out of the blue at a party last week, you’re certain you’ve just unearthed a like-causing machine.
