Recently – think an hour ago vibes – I wrote this piece about a Reddit user’s chaotic Aussie platter they made for a co-worker who just got Australian citizenship.
It turns out many of you have a LOT of thoughts about what does and doesn’t constitute an Aussie addition on the platter. Some said Jatz should be substituted with Ritz. Some said it needed Tim Tams. But one absolutely passionate unit, who I will simply call Emma in case she doesn’t want her name revealed on a public website, EMAILED ME to correct me. The thing is, the correction was very warranted.
“MELISSA MASON HOW DARE YOU CALL IT A RICE CRACKER” was the subject line and shot fear into my heart with its peak Mum Is Mad energy. Don’t call me by my full name! It’s scary!
Emma went on the say that, in fact, the rice crackers on the Aussie platter were not simply rice crackers, but Delites. Specifically, she feels, Sour Cream & Chive Delites.
“I implore you to try this such rice cracker with some brie as it will truly change your life,” she said.
Friends, I am ashamed. I can’t believe I took one, quick glance at the rice crackers and didn’t recognise the sexy ridges that prove they are, in fact, Delites – which I consider the height of Australian delicacy.
So to make up for my stupid mistake, I’m going to tell you which Delites are the best.
1. Salt & Vinegar
I remember when Delites came out – I was working at Blockbuster Video (lol) and this random walked in with boxes and boxes of sample packs for us to give customers, like a try-before-you-buy thing. Except us fuckwit teenagers just ate them all behind the counter.
I think I single-handedly ate the entire array of salt & vinegar Delites in my time there. They are possibly, actually coated in drugs. That is how addictive they are. I can’t buy them, because whenever I have I’ve just demolished the box in an hour and then lamented my life choices.
2. Sweet Chilli & Sour Cream
There is simply TOO much flavour, I think, in sweet chilli & sour cream. Anyone who has had a Delites box (to themselves, as you do) will tell you all the flavours pack a huge punch, but I feel like this guy packs it the hardest.
That being said, it’s a seriously delicious take on the classic. It’s a bit spicy, a bit creamy, and very… ugh… MOORISH.
I fucking hate that word. Look what the Delites have done to me.
3. Sour Cream & Chives
I’ll admit I’ve only had sour cream and chives Delites like, twice in my life, and both times I was incredibly drunk and/or swinging from my mates washing line in between handfuls. So I shouldn’t really be judging here, but I have to concede that Emma’s pitch of a chippie with some brie sounds damn good.
4. Pizza?????
WHO knew about this flavour and didn’t tell me!?!?!?! WHOMST!!! I am so offended at whatever mate (so-called mate) I might have who knew about Pizza Delites and didn’t make me privy to the information.
I haven’t actually had these, as you may be able to tell. But that won’t stop me ranking them higher than Chicken now, will it!!!
Anyway, I’m deeply sorry for sleeping on this fact – Delites are an Australiana staple, and have been since (googles) 2006.
