Potentially a mash of meals that nobody has ever audibly asked for has popped up at Coles for a limited time; the Chicken Parma Pizza. Yep. A pizza topped with all the fixings for a god damned chicken parmigiana. Schnitty and pizzy, together at last.

A dish that possibly has been previously concocted at 3am in a sharehouse by someone who’s replaced all their water weight with beer, the Parma Pizza features southern-fried popcorn chicken, smoked ham, mozzarella and parmesan cheese on a chewy pizza base. I mean, how else did this come to fruition other than someone getting impossibly high and thinking “what if both of these great foods, but together?

I mean mashing two things together into one monster food isn’t a new concept – our obsession with fusing foods together has resulted in things like cronuts, cruffins, sushi burritos (no thanks), turduckens (why), and that naanwich from ALDI.

I’m not sure how this parma pizza is going to taste, or whether it’ll satisfy me as either a pizza or a parma, but as someone who is deeply in love with both sides of this mash up, I am willing to put my tastebuds on the line in the name of research. I volunteer as tribute.

Please, give it to me, the pizzy. I wish to eat.

If you too want to join me on this very scientific research, you can cop a Chicken Parma Pizza from the chilled ready-made meals section in your local Coles, or order one online.