Prepare thine gullets, for the pizza gods have produced something equally blessed and cursed. Two delicious meals — pizzas and parmas — have been entwined into one, creating something so deliciously unholy I’m not sure if it’s legally allowed in all states and territories. Pizza Hut has, get this, unleashed a “schnitzza” range.
Yes, this is exactly what you think it is. It’s a pizza and a schnitzel in one. It’s a circular-shaped schnitzel… with pizza toppings. Is it allowed? Who’s to say. But it exists, and it’s pretty fucking yum.
The new “schnitzza” range hit menus today (December 1) with four offerings: Hawaiian, Creamy Ham & Mushroom, BBQ Beef & Ham and Margherita. Look, I’m gonna go ahead and say the marg is probably the best one here because it’s basically a big parma. Love that energy for me, when I’m half cooked and just really want a pizza-sized parm.
After inhaling a couple of slices of these bad boys, I can tell you with absolute certainty that a schnitzza is 1000% a perfect meal for when you’re a few pints in and need a feed, or for the next day when your appetite finally returns. Marrying a sneaky late-night pizza with a pub grub fave? It’s a match made in heaven, my friends.
I was also a bit skeptical about the creamy mushroom schnitzza, considering it’s got Alfredo sauce atop a giant crumbed chicken circle with mushroom and smoky ham. Creamy sauce on a schnitzel? I dunno, man. But according to my workmate Jim, it’s a vibe.
These fried chicky frisbees/acts in defiance of god herself are now at your local Pizza Hut will set you back a tidy $15 for pickup (or $18 if you want it delivered). Who knows if they’ll be on the menu permanently, but maybe it’s best to shove one down your guts sooner rather than later, just in case.
Is there anything more perfect for our tums as we hurtle towards the silly season? I daresay not.