Avocado picking season is underway in Queensland. It’s a joyous time for all involved: farmers get their dues for a season of hard yakka, while the rest of us get to smother, smash, smear the blessed green boys over everything.
But not everything is normal in those tropical climes. Something has been growing in those verdant trees. Something else. Something more powerful, more innately terrifying than grocery shoppers could have ever expected.
It’s Avozilla time, baby. And those burly units are not here to fuck around.
ABC reports the Groves family farm of Bungundarra is in the process of harvesting its crop of Avozillas, a specially-bred variant of the humble avo designed to bear fruit weighing as much as 1.8 kilograms.
David Groves, whose family farm owns the only Aussie commercial license to grow the fruit, says specialty retailers around the nation cannot get enough of the freakishly-sized fruit. A grocer from Perth also told the ABC the largest of the lot actually sell out before they even arrive in Western Australia.
But their size has drawbacks: the trees produce less fruit per hectare than your bog standard Hass tree, for example. Plus, they’re apparently quite prone to turning soft on the tree faster than other variants. A short season doesn’t help matters, either.
All of that is to say it won’t be easy to get your hands – and you will need both hands – onto an Avozilla. Giant avocados have been an occasional feature in UK supermarkets for a little while now, but it may take some more effort for you to indulge.
If you do, though, prepare to bear witness to one of the most fearsome and awe-inspiring products on grocery shelves today.