Mike Pence is many things: Vice President of the United States. Staunch anti-choicer. Grown-ass man who calls his wife “mother” and is afraid to be alone with another woman. Former Frat House narc!
Yes, it pains us to report that the latter is true. Mike Pence was once president of his college fraternity, and there was a strict ‘no alcohol’ policy. But one night, when the associate dean came a-knocking to find out who had the piss, he led them straight to the bloody keg like the dog kent he is.
This information comes to us by way of his former fraternity brother, Dan Murphy (not even kidding), in a huge piece about the VP published in The Atlantic this week.
Old mate Dan Murphy told the publication that he remembers two key things about his time as Mike Pence’s classmate / fraternity brother: that he was more pretentious than the usual sad boi college student (the exact words were: “they often talked about their futures, and it became clear to Murphy that his friend had a much stronger sense of his ‘mission in the world’ than the average undergrad”), and that he once told the associate dean exactly where the grog was.
Here’s the damaging excerpt in question:
One night, during a rowdy party, Pence and his fraternity brothers got word that an associate dean was on his way to the house. They scrambled to hide the kegs and plastic cups, and then Pence met the administrator at the door.
“We know you’ve got a keg,” the dean told Pence, according to Murphy. Typically when scenes like this played out, one of the brothers would take the fall, claiming that all the alcohol was his and thus sparing the house from formal discipline. Instead, Pence led the dean straight to the kegs and admitted that they belonged to the fraternity. The resulting punishment was severe. “They really raked us over the coals,” Murphy said. “The whole house was locked down.” Some of Pence’s fraternity brothers were furious with him—but he managed to stay on good terms with the administration. Such good terms, in fact, that after he graduated, in 1981, the school offered him a job in the admissions office.
Right, that’s bloody finished him, then. Get this man out of office.
