There exists a horrifying alternate reality where our very own Richie isn’t some adorable lunk. In this parallel realm, he’s apparently a scumdog who can’t rein in his violent and sexually threatening outbursts, even though his munted words are destined to appear on national television.
That alternate reality is called America. The show is Bachelor in Paradise, and Richie’s equal-but-opposite is Chad Johnson, who managed to get himself booted off the show exactly one episode in due to his rampaging BS.
Oh, and it certainly appears like he shat his dacks in the process.
In reality (well, in reality TV), the bloke sparked up some rapport with another former villain in Lace Morris. After some back-and-forth, a lil’ kissing and presumably some comically large coconut cocktails, Johnson’s further advances were rebuffed.
He then launched a patently insane tirade against literally everyone else:
“I’ll murder everyone here. I’ll kill your children and murder your family. Dolla, dolla bills, yo.”
You’re going to sit here and try and make me look like a bitch? Fuck you, Chris Harrison. Come at me.”
I should’ve never ever EVER said that abt @sarahherron tonight. I was a dic k im disappointed in myself pic.twitter.com/6hV2suBHRY
— Chad Johnson (@realchadjohnson) August 3, 2016
There was no pants shitting U dicks lol I own 2 pairs of the same swimshorts. How do you tell which ones u wore the previous day? #SmellTest
— Chad Johnson (@realchadjohnson) August 3, 2016
Have I said anything disrespectful, or did I just state something that was a fact but in an unflattering tone? #SorryKinda #NoFilterOops
— Chad Johnson (@realchadjohnson) August 4, 2016
People, I was not payed to go on the show and I am not a payed actor. Maybe my brains a bit fuckulated but I yam who I yam #ChadIsChad
— Chad Johnson (@realchadjohnson) August 4, 2016
Maybe it was this crab that did all the fuckulating. That’s a more comforting thought than accepting the fact an actual bad dude was given the keys to the reality TV kingdom… again.
This is perfect television #BachelorInParadise pic.twitter.com/6GePXWqAt3
— Michelle Collins (@michcoll) August 3, 2016
Source: news.com.au / The Atlantic.
Photo: ABC Television Network / YouTube.