Frankie Muniz is up there with one of my favourite people in the whole entire world. I spend an unhealthy amount of my spare time wondering what Frankie is up to. I am simply obsessed with this man and his passion for gourmet olive oil. So you’d better believe I lost my fucking mind when I found out he’s a Lizzo fan.
Muniz took to Twitter at 1.19am on September 26 to demand that real life queen, Lizzo, makes him her purse.
Hey @lizzo, lemme be your accessory. I can be a purse… put a chain around me and I’ll hold your stuff for you… just sayin.
— Frankie Muniz (@frankiemuniz) September 25, 2019
Yes. Her purse.
It’s a very odd request from the Malcolm in the Middle star, but is it the weirdest thing he’s ever tweeted?
Yes, no, maybe
I don’t know
Can you repeat the question?
Heck, he retired from acting at the age of 19 to open up an olive oil business, the man needs to share his thoughts somewhere. I’m just glad he’s chosen Twitter has his medium because frankly, I live for this shit.
Honestly, I have been looking for an excuse to write about Frankie Muniz since the day I started at Pedestrian.tv, so sit down and buckle up because I’m about to share the greatest Frankie Muniz twitter moments you could ever see.
This is not an exhaustive list, but here are some of the funniest Frankie Muniz tweets to brighten up your day. From humble-bragging about his extraordinary wealth, to tweeting about his unusually frequent encounters with dead bodies, Frankie Muniz is by far the most interesting person on Twitter.
We need a Twitter Nobel Prize, and Frankie Muniz deserves to win it every single year.
First up, we’ve got Frankie the Sass Kween™ reminding us all that he retired at 19 with more money than I can even comprehend. Sorry @iHeartMtnDEW, but you’re not the boss of him now.
@iHeartMtnDEW Yeah, but being retired with $40,000,000.00 at 19 has not been awful. Good luck moving out of your moms house before youre 35.
— Frankie Muniz (@frankiemuniz) September 16, 2010
That time Frankie summed up every time I’ve tried to lose weight.
You know when you feel like you’ve lost a bunch of weight but then you put on a pair of pants that usually fit great only to find your 3 inches away from being able to button them? My wedding suit ain’t gonna fit…
— Frankie Muniz (@frankiemuniz) September 16, 2019
“so hard I threw up.” – That’s it. That’s all the context you get for this one.
Think I broke my knee trying to get on my motorcycle. Tried to whip my leg over real quick and kneed the luggage rack so hard I threw up.
— Frankie Muniz (@frankiemuniz) May 26, 2015
I STILL can’t believe it’s not butter. This man is an absolute Twitter fiend and I don’t know how to handle it.
Almost hit Megan Fox with my car today and sat next to Fabio at lunch. Not to mention, I STILL can’t believe it’s not butter.
— Frankie Muniz (@frankiemuniz) October 19, 2010
The subtle five-storey house flex when your cat really fucks your life up. This glorious tweet also had a follow up months later after the extensive renovations required to fix the cat’s accidental flooding damage.
I arrived home from my uncle’s funeral to find 4 of my 5 story brownstone home under 3 feet of water. Everything I own, destroyed. Every wall, piece of artwork, personal photos, furniture… All because my cat accidentally turned on a sink a few days ago while we were gone.
— Frankie Muniz (@frankiemuniz) November 15, 2018
One of the many, many tweets about his Smart Car.
I had a dream last night that @justinbieber and I were friends and we were filming Insta stories in my Smart Car.
— Frankie Muniz (@frankiemuniz) March 17, 2019
Another tweet about the Smart Car. Somebody give this man a sponsorship deal.
https://twitter.com/frankiemuniz/status/62725709159858177
Six years later and I’m still waiting for Myspace to be the next big thing… again.
To all you “Myspace is dead’ers”… you obviously haven’t seen the NEW Myspace. You’ll understand it’s the next big thing… again.
— Frankie Muniz (@frankiemuniz) January 9, 2013
Just an official update from Frankie, y’know?
I really like peeing into urinals filled with ice. Officially.
— Frankie Muniz (@frankiemuniz) March 5, 2017
But sometimes Frankie just tweets what we’re all thinking.
It’s cool that the post office has only 1 person working three days before Christmas. The 79 people in line are having a blast.
— Frankie Muniz (@frankiemuniz) December 22, 2015
Malcolm has seen a hell of a lot of dead people, and has tweeted about it more than once. I’m not sure how to process that but “took the weird to an even higher level” really sums it up.
Saw a guy sleeping on the sidewalk in the 112° heat. Thought it was weird. Discovered he was dead. Took the weird to an even higher level. ☹
— Frankie Muniz (@frankiemuniz) July 1, 2010
I mean, wars, poverty, parking fines and people who recline their chairs back during a short-haul flight, but sure.
Not much worse than when you order eggs over-hard and they come out over-easy. Nasty.
— Frankie Muniz (@frankiemuniz) December 15, 2017
Like me, Frankie is a tiny little bitch, and is ready to accept it.
Do your feet shrink as you get older? My foot is a full size and a half smaller than it was when I was a teen. Or am I just accepting the fact that I’m a tiny little bitch and there’s no reason to hide it anymore by wearing shoes that are too big?
— Frankie Muniz (@frankiemuniz) March 5, 2018
And last, but definitely not least, the tweet that resonates with me the most. That time Frankie Muniz reminded me that I too will always be a Frankie Muniz-looking mother fucker.
You know when you look in the mirror and realize you’ll never be as good looking as @ZacEfron and you’ll always be a Frankie Muniz looking mother fucker? Imagine being Frankie Muniz.
— Frankie Muniz (@frankiemuniz) August 2, 2019
Is my obsession with this man unhealthy? Perhaps. Will I ever stop? No. You’re not the boss of me now.
