Elite Australian Dating Website Launches, Promises To Filter Out Poorly Dressed Unsuccessful People

Is your Tinder feed populated by a depressing procession of butt ugly, unsuccessful people?

Following successful launches in Britain, France, Germany, Austria and Sweden, the gilded virtual corridors of an international dating service designed explicitly for people with boats to find love with other people with boats has now arrived Down Under with the official launch of EliteSingles.com.au in Australia this week. 

So is that like elite human beings who happen to be single or people who are elite at being single, like, they’re preternaturally skilled at making food for one and flirting with people? According to the website, Elite Singles is designed for “sophisticated and ambitious Australian singles with high standards when it comes to serious, long-term relationships,” and seeks to achieve those ends by using science-based personality algorithms to match users on a variety of criteria including gender, age, residence, profession and level of education. 

According to parent company CEO David Khalil, Australia’s potentially lucrative singles market has been crying out for a premium matchmaking service for years now.

“The success of Elite Singles in Europe shows us that discerning singles are very willing to try online dating, as long as they are brought into an online environment that reflects the high standards they are used to,” he said. “Singles are tired of the lack of quality control on mainstream online dating sites, and Elite Singles provides something new to the market – a safe space where successful singles can find each other”.

Another major point of difference Khalil has identified is the rigorous authentication process profiles are put through to ensure that only real life people with boats are available in Elite Single’s digital dating pool.

“In the last few years many online dating users have been tricked by people using fake profiles, which has caused both financial and emotional damage,” he said. “To eliminate the threat of disingenuous profiles, Elite Singles hires a team of people to manually check new user profiles, a safety measure that few online dating sites invest in.”

In other words, they’ll check that you have a boat license. Just like this douche bag.