Right in time for the start of winter and this bone-chilling cold snap, ALDI has revealed its plans to unleash whole-ass fire pits into the hallowed land of the centre Special Buys aisle this weekend. God damn, it’s like they’re reading my thoughts or something.
Hitting that sacred and chaotic centre aisle from Wednesday June 3, the fire pits are the perfect winter inclusion for your backyard or whatever outdoor space with ample ventilation you have at your rental. Unsure of whether you can set one up on the grass strip outside your house if you’re lacking in a courtyard or something, but I’m gonna say “probably not”, as much as I too wish to do that.
The metal fire pits come with its own little poker (for poking), grill (for grilling) and mesh cap (for making sure you don’t somehow burn your hands like you always bloody do.) So not only is this bad boy good at providing warmth and something to sit around with a bev or two in winter, but you can also use it as a little barbie. Hell yeah, cook yourself some snags with the flames of your burning exam papers or your embarrassing old diaries you’ve had squirrelled away in the back of your cupboard.
That’s the dream, isn’t it. Living in a house with a fully functional fire. Sitting around with your housemates on some outdoor chairs in your slippers and jumpers, staring absentmindedly into the fire’s flames while you contemplate existence and the marching of time. Ah, pure bliss.
So nip down to your local ALDI on Wednesday morning with 100 clams in your back pocket, ‘cos one of these schmick fire pits will set you back a tidy $99.99.
Now please, do not hurt yourselves and for God’s sake don’t let Jared try and start it with a makeshift deodorant flamethrower, either.