Cam Tyeson's making people laugh at the Melbourne International Comedy Fest so you're stuck with me. Sorry. Also, so many spoilers.
In case you haven’t noticed, #WrestleMania – the biggest yearly event in WWE – is trending at number one on Twitter and will be for the next couple of hours. And it’s at least 60 per cent because the main event fucking sucked.
After so much promo and ‘hype’, Brock Lesnar went up against Vince McMahon’s beloved Roman Reigns and his non-existent empire. Roman, who’s been constantly pushed to be the face of the Faces was assumed to win the match because Vince has a hard on for him and keeps putting him in main events. Brock, who apparently might be returning to the UFC just didn’t seem into it and obviously wanted to go home.
The match was so stale you could hear, “This is boring” and “This is awful” from the crowd. No amount of F5s, ruined commentary tables, and not even Roman’s totally split forehead coupled with blood spilling everywhere could tempt a whispered, “Yes, Yes, Yes”. Frankly, only Triple H can pull off the look.
Oh, Brock won the match but you could visibly see people heading to the car park by then so meh.
Although, you did feel for Roman a little. He took 6 F5s, managed to kick-out of some of them, was coated in blood, and still managed to cop a verbal beating from the internet.
If you did miss that final shit-show or just don’t want to watch it, just read these tweets.
— Chuck Braud Art (@Chuckbraud) April 9, 2018
have a good night everybody, join us next year for Roman Reigns vs. somebody for another attempt at making Roman Reigns the guy
— Brandon Stroud (@MrBrandonStroud) April 9, 2018
— Erica✌️ (@Ericaaa__x) April 9, 2018
*Watches the Rousey fight*: “Damn this is fire!”
*Watches the Daniel Bryan fight*: “Why did I stop watching this!?”
*Watches the main event*: “this is why.” #WrestleMania
— Mari Selena (@Selenastiel) April 9, 2018
#WrestleMania The main event was terrible. Like what were you thinking?! I am tired of having a freaking part time champion! Give it to someone else who is more worthy of the title.
— Twitch_Main (@Maddenpenguin) April 9, 2018
Not the biggest Roman fan but that match wasn’t on him. Brock is awful. He does the same thing over and over. I don’t get how anyone likes him
— Thomas Weldrn (@thomas_weldrn) April 9, 2018
Just do it already.
With crowd chanting Boring etc in the main event. Vince will never have another opportunity better than now to turn Roman heel. Roman can come out tomorrow and say "I busted my ass, I gave it everything I had, I bleed for you people & you still boo me? F*** all you" #WrestleMania
— Johnny Wrestling V2 (@JWrestlingV2) April 9, 2018
In other news and in no particular order, Ronda Rousey made her WWE debut and it was just a tad adorable seeing her big ol’ smile as she entered the ring alongside Kurt Angle. The two came up against Triple H and Stephanie McMahon. I’m still overwhelmed from this match but pwoarh it was fucking elite. Ronda threw a coupla punches and lifted Triple H.
Charlotte and Asuka absolutely destroyed each other but it was an incredible match to watch. Charlotte retained the belt – shocker.
The Undertaker did make a return in a six minute match against John Cena and the pop he received was outta this world. Everyone was on their feet but from the moment the bell rung you knew what was happening. He’s an older man and John isn’t. John got pummelled. Still nostalgic though and fans seemed to really enjoy it.
Daniel Bryan returned and now Sami Zane and Kevin Owens are kapoot until Raw hires them.
Queen Nia Jax is the new Raw women’s champ. Bye Bliss.
Did anybody pay attention to The New Day’s match ‘cos I didn’t.
Finn Bálor (not demon) emerged in his usual gear but with lil’ rainbow stitchings on them and surrounded by the LGBT+ community of New Orleans. The Miz looked like a character off Naruto while Seth Rollins looked absolutely insane with blue contacts and it’s 100 per cent the reason why he’s the new Intercontinental champ.
Jinder Mahal scored the United States belt… so much for Rusev Day.
Vince is really pushing the Bludgeon Brothers who are now Smackdown Tag-Team champs.
Braun – huge man Braun – yanked a ten-year-old (or younger) looking Nicolas out of the crowd to be his mystery tag-team partner against Cesaro and Sheamus. No, I don’t know why.
Monday’s Raw is going to be interesting.
Oh, and Nakamura turned heel at WrestleMania 34 and I don’t want to talk about it.
P.S “You can view WrestleMania 34 completely free, subscribe NOW for a 30-free-day trial.” x 1000000Image: WWE Network