Cam Tyeson's making people laugh at the Melbourne International Comedy Fest so you're stuck with me. Sorry. Also, so many spoilers.

In case you haven’t noticed, #WrestleMania – the biggest yearly event in WWE is trending at number one on Twitter and will be for the next couple of hours. And it’s at least 60 per cent because the main event fucking sucked.

After so much promo and ‘hype’, Brock Lesnar went up against Vince McMahon’s beloved Roman Reigns and his non-existent empire. Roman, who’s been constantly pushed to be the face of the Faces was assumed to win the match because Vince has a hard on for him and keeps putting him in main events. Brock, who apparently might be returning to the UFC just didn’t seem into it and obviously wanted to go home.

The match was so stale you could hear, “This is boring” and “This is awful” from the crowd. No amount of F5s, ruined commentary tables, and not even Roman’s totally split forehead coupled with blood spilling everywhere could tempt a whispered, “Yes, Yes, Yes”. Frankly, only Triple H can pull off the look.

Oh, Brock won the match but you could visibly see people heading to the car park by then so meh.

Although, you did feel for Roman a little. He took 6 F5s, managed to kick-out of some of them, was coated in blood, and still managed to cop a verbal beating from the internet.

If you did miss that final shit-show or just don’t want to watch it, just read these tweets.

Solution?

Just do it already.

In other news and in no particular order, Ronda Rousey made her WWE debut and it was just a tad adorable seeing her big ol’ smile as she entered the ring alongside Kurt Angle. The two came up against Triple H and Stephanie McMahon. I’m still overwhelmed from this match but pwoarh it was fucking elite. Ronda threw a coupla punches and lifted Triple H.

Charlotte and Asuka absolutely destroyed each other but it was an incredible match to watch. Charlotte retained the belt – shocker.

The Undertaker did make a return in a six minute match against John Cena and the pop he received was outta this world. Everyone was on their feet but from the moment the bell rung you knew what was happening. He’s an older man and John isn’t. John got pummelled. Still nostalgic though and fans seemed to really enjoy it.

Daniel Bryan returned and now Sami Zane and Kevin Owens are kapoot until Raw hires them.

Queen Nia Jax is the new Raw women’s champ. Bye Bliss. 

Did anybody pay attention to The New Day’s match ‘cos I didn’t.

Finn Bálor (not demon) emerged in his usual gear but with lil’ rainbow stitchings on them and surrounded by the LGBT+ community of New Orleans. The Miz looked like a character off Naruto while Seth Rollins looked absolutely insane with blue contacts and it’s 100 per cent the reason why he’s the new Intercontinental champ.

Jinder Mahal scored the United States belt… so much for Rusev Day. 

Vince is really pushing the Bludgeon Brothers who are now Smackdown Tag-Team champs.

Braun – huge man Braun – yanked a ten-year-old (or younger) looking Nicolas out of the crowd to be his mystery tag-team partner against Cesaro and Sheamus. No, I don’t know why.

Monday’s Raw is going to be interesting.

Oh, and Nakamura turned heel at WrestleMania 34 and I don’t want to talk about it.

P.S “You can view WrestleMania 34 completely free, subscribe NOW for a 30-free-day trial.”  x 1000000

Image: WWE Network