Sam Kerr Is The New PM After Firing Four Past Jamaica In The World Cup

The Matildas notched a crucial 1-4 victory over Jamaica in the FIFA Women’s World Cup group stage in France this morning, thanks to goals scored by Sam Kerr, Sam Kerr, Sam Kerr, and Sam Kerr.

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The victory means Australia finished second in the group, under Italy but over Brazil and Jamaica, and will progress to the Round of 16 – no small feat considering the footballing pedigree on display from those contenders.

Today’s prodigious tally marks the first time an Australian football player has ever scored four goals in one World Cup match. It was also the first time an Aussie had ever scored a hat-trick in a World Cup match, but Kerr doesn’t seem like the type to smash one record at a time.

The goals came early, they came in the middle of the match, and they came late. Kerr opened her account in the 11th minute by nodding Emily Gielnik‘s superb header from the left flank past Jamaica’s Nicole McClure.

Kerr doubled up in the 42nd minute, again with a piercing header. Australian forwards becoming World Cup heroes due to their insane aerial abilities seems to be a trend.

Jamaica crashed the party early in the second half through Havana Marguerite Solaun, who scored the nation’s first-ever World Cup goal after slicing through Australia’s defence.

But Kerr gonna Kerr – with a little help from some regrettable defending from the opposition. Goals three and four both essentially arrived as gifts from Jamaica’s back line, and both were ruthlessly smacked into the back of the net.

The Matildas’ win means Australia will face Norway in Nice on Saturday local time. Get the hell in.