Nat Fyfe Loses Appeal But Wins Hearts In Dapper 3-Piece Suit At AFL Tribunal

In the PEDESTRIAN.TV Slack chat, which is an unholy cesspit of filth, there is a private chat purely for footy and football-related things. It has three members: Myself, and two other members of the editorial staff who shall remain nameless at this juncture. It started innocently enough; a chance to bond with co-workers who share a similar love of the AFL. Quite quickly though it turned into something else entirely, something very sordid indeed. Athletic admiration for the game gave way to animalistic lust; all images of exposed flesh screeched at with otherworldly vaginal howling; a swarming ball of unchecked thirst that I battle valiantly against on a day-to-day basis.

The point I’m trying to make here is that my boss made me write this article and I have not once been horny online, thank you.

So then: Fremantle gun Nat Fyfe has officially lost his challenge at the AFL Tribunal, meaning he will serve a one-game suspension for a reckless hit on Collingwood’s Levi Greenwood, not only ruling him out of this weekend’s clash against Adelaide, but also ruling him out of contention for this year’s Brownlow Medal, which has thrown the betting market into chaos.

Fyfe appeared via video-link late yesterday at the offices of law firm K&L Gates in central Perth, but it wasn’t just the verdict that attracted everyone’s attention.

Fyfe’s impeccable dress sense has sent social media into a spin, after he rocked up to the hearing looking like he stepped straight off the runway in Milan.

Of course people on Twitter lost their minds over him. Of course they did.


Here, look:

Jail. Horny Jail for everyone. Immediately.