In what’s an absolutely long-overdue development, organisers for the Paris Olympics have formally requested that breakdancing be included in the program of events at the 2024 Games.
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Breakdancing is one of four sports being suggested for inclusion by the Parisian organising committee, along with climbing, surfing, and skateboarding.
Breakdancing made its debut in the Youth Olympics last year in Buenos Aires, where competitors were allowed to enter under their assumed b-boy nicknames. A Russian lad by the name of “Bumblebee” took out the inaugural men’s gold medal at the event.
The International Olympic Committee praised the Paris proposal as organisers look to rejuvenate the Games in-line with the Olympic Agenda 2020, which is striving to make the Olympics “gender-balanced, more youth-focused and more urban.”
The IOC has until December 2020 to make a ruling on whether breakdancing will be allowed in the 2024 Games.
It is absolutely our opinion that it should be given a place in the Olympic Games, and to that end here is a list of current Olympic events that breakdancing is easily the superior of:
- Pentathlon: Competitors not good enough to compete at any one sport having a half-baked go at a lot. The swimming leg looks like a high school swimming carnival.
- Equestrian Dressage: The horse doesn’t get the medal. Get the fuck outta here.
- Golf: It’s for rich people.
- Fencing: Unless they change it to a Who Can Put Up An Actual Fence The Fastest contest for tradies, get rid of it.
- 3×3 Basketball: It’s not even a thing.
- Canoeing: All events except the one where they get down on one knee and paddle like vikings, which kicks ass.
- Marathon Swimming: Just do laps, cowards.
- Mountain Biking: Calves far too muscular and offensive, only contested by people named Gerhard or Pierre.
- Greco-Roman Wrestling: Replace with Pro-Wrestling, have Johnny Gargano and Kota Ibushi face off in the men’s gold medal match.
- Uneven Bars: Make them even.
- Shooting: Unless they’re willing to shoot the most dangerous game of all – man – what’s the bloody point?
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
