I needn’t remind you of the ever-evolving landscape that is dating in 2016 – odds are you’re balls deep in it, albeit frustratingly so.
With technological advances brazenly steering us into chaotic and unchartered waters, it’s easy for you (or a future date) to have missed, what the masses deem, an essential understanding of modern courtship protocols. We’re not talking about the procedures involved with the physical act of dating per se, it’s more the elements surrounding them (think: When to send someone a friend request on Facebook). Failure to uphold these new-age practices can, unfortunately / often unfairly, end in a swift Bye, Felicia from your romantic flame.
Firstly, this article’s intention isn’t to peddle some be-all / end-all, bullshit set of rules that must be upheld (mainly because there’s a lot more out there). Please wisely use that nifty brain of yours in discerning if the below is applicable to your context.
Secondly, best of luck to you in all of your dating endeavours because it is fucking B L E A K out there. Hopefully these snippets of advice can help you land your next great love or fantastic root, o beautiful people of the internet.
MESSAGE YOUR DATE THE RIGHT WAY
“In Aziz Ansari‘s book Modern Romance, all of the girls interviewed were quite derisive of standard bro first-text approaches (of which their phones were full of),” says P.TV Co-Founder Chris Wirasinha, “examples being ‘sup’, or ‘what up?’”
“They essentially show no thought, courage or humour. He found that often the better approach was picking up on something unique / personal / funny from last time you spoke to the person, and using that to riff on like, ‘yo, just ate a delicious bowl of ramen and thought of you.’”
Texting / messaging etiquette is a real fucked up situation in 2016. How soon is too soon to message? How often should you touch base? Should you be engaging in spicy banter, or leaving that for face-to-face contact?
WHO. THE. FUCK. KNOWS.
The one thing that we can confirm is, as Aziz Ansari pointed out, don’t be a pleb. Show a lil’ spunk, fools. While an actual potato would make a phenomenal object to date, no one wants to date a human spud.
THAT INCLUDES SPELLING, GRAMMAR AND COMMON-SENSE, PEOPLE.
DEPICT YOURSELF HONESTLY ONLINE
Photoshopping yourself to kingdom-come has never been, nor will it ever be, socially acceptable. Sure, the subsequently warped uploads might serve as decent bait to lure your catch in for whatever intention you have in mind, but then what? It’s probably the easiest way to rub someone the wrong way (when you’re trying to rub them in every-which way) (*slowly winks*) during your first encounter.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been beat senseless with the ugly stick, or reckon you’re one smoking hot muddafucka, keep it real – someone’s bound to dig your look.
Equally important to how you depict your physical self is how you express your intentions, as well as your character. While leaving your Tinder (or afflilated apps / websites) About Me devoid of fact and generally ambiguous might create the air of mystery you’d have no hope of embodying IRL due to your goofy disposition, you’ll be shooting yourself in the foot down the line.
Chasing a hot ‘n heavy one-nighter? Shout it from every roof-top at your disposal (i.e. whack it in your dating profile’s description). Seeking something more meaningful? Make it known. There’s thousands of people engaging with geo-social dating apps – trust us, you’ll find someone who’s chasing the exact same thing. If you end up on a date with someone and your intentions don’t align, you’re going to have a bad time.
In the same vein, you’ll be doing yourself a favour if you’re upfront with your overarching morals and values. One of P.TV’s News Editors Chloe Sargeant shared the perks of including feminist on her Tinder profile.
“I have friends who put ‘social justice activist’, ‘left-wing’ or even the political party they support in there too,” she says.
“I’d get some douchebags who’d match with me specifically to tell me I was wrong for wanting to stand up for gender equality, but for the most part, it weeds out the jerks, so I never have to endure going on a date with someone who ends up being a secret MRA.”
In short: If you feel strongly about something that has a vocal opposition, your best bet is to include it in your description to avoid shit getting real.
SET DATES DURING THE WEEK
This isn’t a hard-and-fast rule by any means, but one worth keeping in mind.
“First dates are best scheduled during the week,” says a man-about-town who’d prefer not to be named (likely so his cover’s not blown lol). “They give you a v polite out if within the first five minutes you realise you want to leg it out the door.”
“You can just drop the ‘It’s getting late, we should probs wrap this up, I’ve got HEAPS of work to do tomorrow, it was lovely to meet you.’ If this date was to happen on the weekend, it’s a little harder to come up with a legitimate excuse to bail.”
Some also believe that a weekend date increases the likelihood of sex due to a greater intake of alcohol (and subsequent drop in inhibitions). If you’re seeking something more serious, it’s probably best to arrange your meets during the week.
Just as it’s always been, if someone’s pushing for weekend date, make sure you have a fail-safe in place like, “I need to shave my pubes at 10PM. Soz, it’s a weird ritual of mine”.
REFRAIN FROM BEING CRAZY ON ZE SOCIALS
Refraining from giving your date a friend request / follow / pc4pc can be difficult for some, especially when the other party has strict privacy settings. There’s almost a mindset that, the sooner you can get amongst their channels, the sooner you’ll find something which is off-putting enough to call the whole thing quits.
We’ve all be guilty of hunting for them skeletons when it seems too good to be true. God humanity’s fucked.
Anyway, when to add someone on their networks is one tricky bastard to navigate, especially because in most other instances it’s NBD. Shit, you’ve probably added someone on Facebook you’ve been in line to get a drink with at a bar, but in a dating context it can be a ‘uge deal breaker.
So not adding them until you’re in a relo is the best way to proceed, correct? Nup, that can get you in equally hot water.
“Add me on Facebook, after maybe 3 dates?” says P.TV’s Health & Fitness Editor Lucinda Price.
“My ex-boyfriend didn’t add me on Facebook until we had been seeing each other for six months and I had met his fucking family… Wot?”
Once again, use your best judgement, but as a general rule of thumb it’s best to wait until you’re at least three dates deep.
ASSESS THE SITUATION BEFORE SENDING A DM
How do you go about courting someone who you’re already connected with on social media? The easiest option is to fang ’em a direct message, but doing so is a tad awkward.
“Sliding in through the DMs is risky business,” says P.TV’s JOBS Editor Abi Cruz.
“It’s unspoken that, if you receive a DM [from someone you haven’t met], it’s never purely to just chat – so if the receiver of the DM sounds reciprocal (meaning they actually reply) then I think it’s a green light to get numbers going and even meet IRL.”
“If they don’t reply or whatever, then don’t be a pest – give up.”
Depending on your age / what you’re all about, sending messages via FB (etc) can be viewed as a tad crass. It’s best to move it to texting if both parties are agreeable.
If you end up going on a date with a person you had prior connection to, do so with an extra level of awareness. Nothing sets the “WHAT A CREEP” alarm off faster than acknowledging you already knew something about someone from a post they made three years ago. However, if you’ve seen something recent that was blowing up your newsfeed – say, a job promotion with 300 hundred likes – don’t play the fool if they bring it up. We all know how that algorithm works, so gently indicate you saw the good news and congratulate them.
Love is a battlefield? Pfft. It’s a fucking war-zone these days, one that kicks off with your initial courtship. Armed with the above should ease the burden slightly (we hope). In saying that, may the best person win, you pack of horny cunts.
Photo: Pillow Talk / YouTube.
