Linda Marigliano is someone who I always thought would give great advice. Between her new podcast Tough Love (which is currently on its second season) and releasing her first book Love Language, she’s delving into her relationships and personal life, proving that she does indeed give spectacular advice.
So PEDESTRIAN.TV sat with Linda to ask the tough questions when it comes to dating, relationships and healing, to glean some trinkets of wisdom on all things modern love.
What is your number one tip for surviving a long distance relationship?
Patience and carving out the time for each other. If you’ve found someone that you trust is worth it, make sure that you’re carving out time equally out of your days to speak to that person.
When you start getting those missed moments where someone can’t talk because the time zones have all screwed up, that’s when you really start to miss each other, and that’s when it starts to feel like hurt more than happiness.
What’s the best thing to do or place to go on a first date?
Anywhere where there’s some snacking involved because everybody needs to snack. It’s a perfect icebreaker. If you’re feeling a bit awkward, or you don’t know how long you want to spend with the person, you can always have a quick little bite and then get out of there, or you can keep going and saying “let’s order some more things.” But you definitely want the food as the icebreaker I think food or drinks, your pick.
Should you tell a friend if you have feelings for them?
I think you have to tell a friend if you’ve got feelings for them, right? Because otherwise you’re going to suffer in silence essentially.
If they’re with someone, then it’s trickier so you probably have to exercise a bit of patience and play it cool a little bit longer than you might want to.
I think if they’re a good friend and someone who you value, you don’t want to risk ruining the friendship but I also think that if they’re your friend you have to be honest with them.
Say it in a cheeky way if you need to, “I’ve got a bit of a crush on you.” Wait until there’s an opportune moment and don’t just dive in for a kiss, no one wants that! You want a consensual “I think I’ve got feelings for you. How do you feel?”
What’s the best way to break off a situationship?
Ugh this is so much easier said than done.
I actually don’t think you have to do these things in person all the time. So if you feel like you’re going to be derailed by seeing that person’s face and feeling the hurt radiating from their body, sometimes I do think that it’s nicer to make the points that you want to make in your head, have a phone conversation, and know that again that there’s an out.
What’s the best advice you could give someone to get over a break up?
I think you have to sit in it for a little while. I think there’s no easy fix and we have to sit in those uncomfortable things.
We can’t party our way out of them. We can’t distract ourselves just by throwing ourselves into work. We have to process those feelings. I think it’s really nice to have distractions and to go a little bit harder at work if you want to but see friends and have conversations.
Talk to your friends about it, spend time with family, spend time with people that feel wholesome and like they’re nourishing you in a way that is healthy.
Is it ever okay to ghost someone?
It’s probably not okay, but we’ve all done it and we’re all going to keep doing it.
So can I really throw a stone when I know that I have done this? I have been a ghost and I have been ghosted so sometimes I prefer a slow fade out which is almost just as bad but it’s never easy either way.
I think that it’s nicer to be direct about it but sometimes if the person’s a dickhead then I guess you’re allowed to ghost. Sometimes people are relentless and they will keep responding eagerly when you are clearly putting up non response walls and sometimes you just have to cut it off.
What’s the one tool everyone needs to survive modern dating?
Have fun and don’t be afraid to trust your gut and be honest, in terms of what you want to do on those dates, how you want to be treated, what feels right and what doesn’t feel so right.
As someone that’s written about being very much an inherent people pleaser I know that for me a lot of relationships started because I very much went with the flow in a way where I almost hopped onto a ride of a relationship that then started to accelerate into something more and more serious before I’d really had time to be conscious of, ‘is this what I really want?’ ‘Do I really align with this person?’
For me now when I think about relationships, having tastes that align is amazing… but also having values that align that’s almost the most important one. Do our values align first and foremost? And can we intersect on some tastes so we can enjoy some common interests as well.
Listen to Tough Love here or wherever you get your podcasts.
