A lot of us like to take some time over the turn of the new year to think about everything we achieved in the last 12 months. This is not about that wholesome activity. This is about an incredible collection of moments where people did something so stupid and embarrassing in 2022 that they wanted the Earth to swallow them whole.
Agent of chaos Rachel Millman posed a simple question to Twitter on December 31 — what was the funniest, stupidest thing you did in the last 12 months? And boy, did people deliver.
the end of 2022 is here & as is tradition, please tell me about the funniest, stupidest thing you did this year
— rachel (@rachelmillman) December 31, 2022
Millman kicked things off by offering up her own story of when she got norovirus (gastro) from a hot tub that she said was cloudy when she hopped in. When she thought she’d gotten away with it she ate alligator at an airport (???) and suddenly felt her guts get incredibly rotten.
Ma’am, I don’t know what did you dirtier the most.
Others shared the pinnacle of their stupidity in 2022 and it’s truly a treat to read.
The very much loved principal at my high school announced her retirement on Facebook, and I was reading a bunch of long heartfelt comments (there were hundreds) congratulating her right before I went to bed, and I guess I somehow fell asleep on my phone and responded with this: pic.twitter.com/gY4AHJcsiw
— Kittie Walsh (@kittie_walsh) December 31, 2022
The level of second-hand embarrassment I’m feeling right now is palpable. Mostly because this is absolutely something I would somehow do.
QTed with another story but also just remembered i was singing a song to tell my girlfriend how it went and my friend stopped me and went “no, that’s not that goes. you’re singing the glee mashup version”
— lesbian mothman (@verysmallriver) December 31, 2022
Oh my God, not this person exposing themselves as a Gleek. One of the top most embarrassing things for anyone who lived through the 2000s.
Stepped on a rake in my garage and the handle came up and smacked me in the face, just like in a cartoon. I had put the rake there. I had a black eye for two weeks.
— Kelly Griffin (@kagriffin77) December 31, 2022
Legitimately thought this only happened in the movies and “Cape Feare”, the top-tier episode of The Simpsons.
I pulled one of my coworkers aside to show him what I thought was an amusing job listing in his field on LinkedIn, just to chuckle at it. I had no idea he had just been fired and that day was his last day
— Sonic the Youth Hog (@woodmuffin) December 31, 2022
Unreal, I would have simply just gotten up and walked out the door and handed in my resignation via email from the other side of the world.
Meanwhile, you could never get me to admit this. Not even with blackmail, torture or a million dollars.
Tired and hungry late at nigh. Overly medicated and not thinking clearly, I made a “tuna” sandwich out of what turned out to be fancy feast cat food. It wasn’t terrible.
— Matthew Borin (@MatthewBorin) December 31, 2022
Saw a friend’s post about a birthday featuring lots of pictures of her baby and posted “happy birthday little man!” and she was actually posting about her husband’s birthday
— Kyle (@ChamberkisKyle) December 31, 2022
My face feels hot just reading this but it’s absolutely one way to get the nickname “little man” to stick to your friend’s husband for the rest of time.
https://t.co/bNymhwr9yQ later discovered it was not even a wasp
— tybuddhaboy (@tybuddhaboy) December 31, 2022
I cannot stop laughing at the mental image of this one.
forgot to mute myself in massive zoom seminar then started talking to my cat, so 200 people heard me say “look at hims little legs! and pink beans! big stretch!!!” and the host paused the presentation to ask me if i had something to add to it
— 🪬 ra 🌻 (@atomicnumber88) December 31, 2022
OR THIS ONE.
Some people shared their physical fuck ups from 2022 which have made my entire body feel wobbly and weird. Fair warning, some of these are a lot.
guillotined my Achilles tendon with a baking sheet
— tom bombadilf (@_jakelene) December 31, 2022
Last minute addition, sprained my ankle so bad I threw up on the sidewalk two days ago
— Ben 🦫 (@BenRosene) December 31, 2022
Tore my meniscus getting too excited at an escape room
— #1 math blaster trick shot artist (@LoneXI) December 31, 2022
I stabbed myself on a rez dog’s tooth trying to put a tick collar on him pic.twitter.com/MRHZsBVTCz
— Salma Typhii (@epidatageek) December 31, 2022
A lot of people — and I mean a lot — had some deliriously funny moments (and frankly awful) while high off their gourds.
Rachel it’s going to be hard for you to believe it but I did something stupid on acid again: I was on acid and the grocery order came and I brought the groceries in but did not notice the front door got stuck and was wide open so my neighbors got to watch me 1/2
— Legendary demi-hottie Li’l 🌳 (@karengeier) December 31, 2022
Making a sandwich from the groceries while talking and singing to myself and laughing at everything I said. Truly mortifying
— Legendary demi-hottie Li’l 🌳 (@karengeier) December 31, 2022
dislocated my arm so hard my shoulder was in front of my chest at 2am in the morning while on 100mg of edibles. was in too much pain to put shoes on. took an ambulance for 6 blocks away. walked back home in pajamas & the grippy socks but was still so stoned I stopped for donuts
— new years abey (@caylenb) December 31, 2022
And finally, the one hilarious 2022 mistake that is so funny and embarrassing I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or scream into a pillow.
At work, I tried to lift a dead Great Dane above my head to place on a storage shelf in the necropsy cooler, failed miserably, and fell ass-backwards into a wheelbarrow of recently dissected dog corpses.
— young boozer (@therealaaronk) December 31, 2022
I’m speechless. I am without speech.
Let us hope and pray that 2023 is better. And if not, at least we’ll get some solid laughs out of all the truly embarrassing ways we fucked things up next New Year’s.
