In case you were wondering about the hot new toxic beauty standards for women, an aesthetic nurse practitioner made a now-deleted TikTok listing the cosmetic procedures she’d give Stranger Things actress Natalia Dyer. Isn’t it a joy being a woman in the public eye?

California-based Miranda Wilson usually uploads TikToks sharing #tea about injectables and beauty treatments but, for reasons that humankind will never quite understand, she decided to deviate into a frankly insecurity-inducing genre of content creation.

Although she deleted the TikTok, you can still watch it on Twitter.

Essentially, what we’re dealing with is a step-by-step video on how Wilson would go about changing Dyer’s face.

The absolute gall she has to say the actress “killed it” in Stranger Things but then tear Dyer’s appearance to shreds? How the fuck do you go from complimenting someone’s acting prowess to explaining — in detail! — how you would change their appearance if they were your client, all in the one breath?

“We’d start by treating those masseters. We all know how much I love treating masseters to help slim the face,” she said.

The fact she is identifying Dyer’s jawline as a supposed “problem” when it’s literally her bones. Beauty standards have progressed to such an extent that we are criticising people’s skeletons now.

“Next, I would add a little bit of chin filler, just to help fill out her chin and make her face more of a heart shape,” Wilson said.

“Next, I would add a little bit to the lips. Just a little bit, nothing crazy — just a nice pout.

“Then, we’d get in there and do a little bit of Botox. I’d give her a nice brow lift to open up her eyes.”

Is Dyer asking for this? Show me where she asked for any of this.

Like, can you imagine how fucking diabolical it would be to your self-esteem to be told parts of your face are a cosmetic injector’s dream?

If you want to change certain things about your appearance and actively seek treatment — different story! But to be told completely unprompted? Nope nope nope.

And she wasn’t even done yet!

“And to top it off, we’d start working with some Sculptra [filler]. She does seem to have more thin skin and we want to prevent that from getting thinner and create more collagen.”

What she did next genuinely had me baffled. Flabbergasted. Shooken to my core.

She whipped out a fucking picture of what Dyer would look like if she had all the treatments done. Just a little something she prepared earlier.

Screenshot of actress Natalia Dyer in a TikTok from an aesthetic nurse practitioner
WHAT?? Picture credit: TikTok / @np.miranda

“As we can tell, her jaw is slimmer, her chin is more pointy and her eyebrows are more lifted. And you’ve gotta love that pout!” she said.

I need air and water. I need to go back into the womb where I was sheltered from such things; naive to the ways of cosmetic surgery TikTok.

But somehow, the Photoshopped pic wasn’t the worst part. No no, the most cursed thing about this entire situation is that Wilson doubled down on her actions in another TikTok (with comments turned OFF, mind you).

@np.miranda #greenscreen ♬ original sound – Np.Miranda

“I did not mean to offend anyone — including Natalia — I was simply just offering suggestions not on what you have to do but what the possibilities are,” she said.

Why is she so committed to dying on this freaky hill? The entire issue is that you were projecting possible insecurities and then offering unprompted suggestions on how to resolve them, babe?

Alas, not to make the situation about me but I could never be a celebrity, lest a random cosmetic nurse practitioner make a video outlining how she would fix the bump in my nose.

Source: TikTok / @np.miranda