Prime Minister Tony Abbott has this morning rushed to defend his largely-ridiculed, apparently autocratic decision to award an Australian knighthood to casual racist Prince Philip, His Royal Highness, Duke of Edinburgh, Earl of Merioneth and Baron Greenwich, Knight of the Garter, Knight of the Thistle, Order of Merit, Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the British Empire, Companion of the Order of Australia, Companion of The Queen’s Service Order, Privy Counsellor, Knight of the Order of the Elephant, Collar of the Order of the Aztec Eagle, Grand Commander of the Order of Maritime Merit, Knight Grand Cross with Chain of the Order of the Queen of Sheba, Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Condor of the Andes, Member of the Most Distinguished Order of Izzuddi, Grand Cordon of the Order of Leopold and Grand Cordon of the National Order of the Leopard by Zaire.
Defending his decision to gift unto Phil what must be his favourite title yet, Abbott said he is “really pleased” with everything: just so pleased with Prince Philip, so pleased with the Queen’s decision to confer on her husband another title, so pleased with himself.
Just super pleased:
“Prince Philip has been a great servant of Australia, he’s been a great servant of all the countries of the Commonwealth. He’s the patron of hundreds of organisations. He’s the inspiration and wellspring of the Duke of Edinburgh’s Awards which have provided leadership training for tens if not hundreds of thousands of Australians over the years.
I’m just really pleased that in his 90s, towards the end of a life of service and duty, we in this country are able to properly acknowledge what he’s done for us.It is fitting that we pay tribute to an extraordinary life of service.”
Great servant, A+, worked tirelessly, asked an Aboriginal leader in 2002 “Do you still throw spears at each other?”, five stars, would confer archaic title on again.
According to a report from the ABC, Abbott confirmed that he consulted with the Governor-General over the knighthood but would not confirm if he had consulted with any of his cabinet members over the decision. So, zero consultation then.
When asked if Philip’s selection was a “captain’s pick”, Abbott said that he would not dispute that characterisation before trying to change the subject entirely – the punchline on what is already a woeful fucking joke: “I think we’ve had a good thrash of this one. Are there any other subjects that you would like to ask me about?”
Adding insult to injury, Abbott then saw fit to diminish the input of the people he has been elected to serve, those who have made their disdain for the decision heard through what might be the last bastion of democracy, while also demonstrating that he has absolutely no idea how social media works:
“Social media is kind of like electronic graffiti and I think that in the media, you make a big mistake to pay too much attention to social media. You wouldn’t report what’s sprayed up on the walls on buildings, and look, as I said, social media has its place, but it’s anonymous.It’s often very abusive and in a sense, it has about as much authority and credibility as graffiti that happens to be put forward by means of IT.”
“I look forward to more knights and dames in the Order of Australia in the years to come,” concluded the Prime Minister.
Prince Philip has yet to call to thank Australia for his new title, which, of course, is hard to do when you consistently have one – if not two – of your own feet in your mouth.
Photo by Kym Smith-Pool/Getty Images
