I know that by now, we’ve all accepted the Sydney rental market is in absolute shambles. And yet, somehow, I am still shocked and horrified whenever I see yet another TikTok of a shit rental. Exhibit A: this woman’s studio in the city, which she pays more for in a week than I do for my two bedroom (suburban) apartment.
TikTok user Em (@dooperfiend) shared a tour of her studio apartment (if you could call it that) in Glebe in a video sarcastically titled “Things in my $500 p/w studio in Sydney that just make sense”. What followed was a series of increasingly unhinged features that truly made me think “Oh no, you okay darl?”
First in the procession was Em’s fridge, which was conveniently (read: haphazardly) perched on top of her dryer to “save space”. Look, it’s bad, but not unsurprising for the cooked market right now.
Except, it got worse.
Em also showed that there was “tape holding the roof together”, what appeared to be a marble bench that had somehow been snapped in half, and a “Keen’s curry box holding the sink up”.
I’m sorry, what? Why does the sink need holding up in the first place?!
But wait, there’s more!
The only view from the studio’s windows were of her neighbours trash-filled yard, the bathroom’s “mirror” was just a glass sheet glued to the window, and the toilet was so poorly designed that she showed herself sitting on her side in order to have leg room. Girl, noooo. Being able to shit in peace should be a human right!
The Glebe studio tour also included a delightful view of random wires poking out of the wall, and last but not least, a wardrobe which cannot stay open because it’s “built on a lean” so it always slides shut.
Em, blink twice if you need help, okay?
The comments on the TikTok ranged from completely shocked at how the rental could even exist, to anger at how much Em was being charged. I mean, just a year ago a (functional) studio in Sydney would have gone for $350. What the actual F is this trash?
“I pay less for 1 bedroom [apartment] in Bondi,” one person commented.
“About 20 lawsuits there,” another observed dryly.
To top it all off, Em then revealed the studio doesn’t even come with a parking spot — she has to pay for street parking. Fucking YIKES.
Honestly, I’m genuinely devastated Purple Pingers, AKA Jordie van den Berg, the guardian angel of renters in Australia, wasn’t able to roast the listing before Em moved in.
He probably would have got it taken down, because apparently that’s the responsibility of TikTokers now and not, like, our actual government.