Hottie Sebastian Stan Will Play Trump In Biopic So Prepare To Have Confusing Feelings For Donald

Hollywood was bound to make a biopic about businessman/ex-President/Cheeto Donald Trump, which meant that whoever they cast as the infamously indicted individual has a variety of wild expectations to meet. Least of those expectations was that he would be as hot as Marvel cutie Sebastian Stan, who was just announced to have scored the role.

Starting production this week, the upcoming movie The Apprentice — titled after Donny’s international television show — will star Sebastian Stan as Donald Trump alongside Jeremy Strong as Roy Cohn, an infamous attorney who mentored Trump in the 70’s and 80’s.

The film is reported to follow the relationship between Cohn and Trump as the president-to-be flourishes from a young and helpless SOB (that’s son-of-a-billionaire) into a beautiful and free New York real estate — who will one day face criminal charges for fraudulently inflating the value of his properties.

Much of the plot is unknown otherwise, with Iranian film-maker Ali Abbasi set to direct. Abbasi also directed the final two episodes of 2023’s hit HBO show The Last Of Us, so you know he can be trusted to direct material based on world-ending parasites with no souls (real estate agents/Trump).

By fun coincidence, this will be strong’s second major role as a businessman named Roy, with the other being his role as Kendall Roy in HBO’s other incredible series Succession which ended this year.

But what I wanna know, is why on earth is Sebastian Stan of all people playing as Trump?

Like, go off Seb for chasing that bag, sure. The issue is more a question of “do the casting directors WANT people frothing over a younger Donald Trump?”

Roy Cohn (left) and Donald Trump in 1983. (Photo by Sonia Moskowitz/Getty Images)

Stan is most known for his portrayal of Bucky Barnes in Marvel’s Captain America trilogy, which earned him a certain spot in the hearts of pretty much everyone on Tumblr circa 2014 – present.

Stan also recently portrayed the more problematic figure of Tommy Lee in the show Pam And Tommy, however it makes ore sense for that project to have cast an attractive actor as Lee.

I think I’m just worried about being in a cinema and finding myself having confusing feelings for Trump. I know how I feel about him, and I don’t appreciate a sexual tension being added to the mix.

The Apprentice is also set to feature Maria Bakalova as Ivana Trump. Bakalova starred in the 2020 Borat sequel as Borat’s daughter, where she — in real life — almost slept with Trump’s ex-lawyer Rudy Giuliani while posing as a minor.

Donald Trump has not shared any of his thoughts on the casting decision, and I wouldn’t wait around for the movie to come out to hear his thoughts with the likeliehood of him being in jail at the time of the film’s release increasing by the day.

Trump has been indicted on four separate occasions, and faces over 90 felony charges. Naturally, he is still running as a top contender for the 2024 US Presidential Election, because America makes no sense.