If there weren’t laws against exactly this sort of thing, Married At First Sight would see a dozen or so individuals locked in a mansion, dosed with LSD, given rudimentary weapons, and tasered by highly trained contestant-handlers until something interesting started happening. Fortunately for the contestants, there are laws against that.
Instead, in an attempt to achieve similar results without violating any human rights conventions, a mix of kindly simpletons and volatile narcissists are thrown together under the false pretence that they were scientifically determined to be a perfect match. They are then fed a steady stream of terribly milquetoast date ideas, counterintelligence about each other, and (most importantly) alcohol, as they are forced to undergo one of the most vulnerable emotional experiences possible under the watchful eye of a few million Australians.
The result is, of course, wonderful television. It’s hard to tell how much of it is a product of the Tim and Eric-esque editing and how much is a product of everyone on the show being the sort of person who would go on a reality TV show, but every season ultimately culminates in a collection of insane people being insane at each other – and this season did not disappoint.
Sure, you could maybe choose this genuinely touching moment between Sarah and Telv as the highpoint:
“I’m in love with you.” ❤️😭 #MAFS pic.twitter.com/6m3226bgqH
— Married At First Sight (@MarriedAU) March 21, 2018
But we’re not here for love, we’re not here for romance, and we’re not here for happy endings. We’re here for chaos. For blood. For destruction. We’re here for Sean, Tracey, and Dean sharing in some powerfully awkward revelations about sexting scandals.
Whether it was at the behest of the producers or just because Sean loves being made to feel like crap on broadcast television, Sean decided to broach the topic of “inappropriate messages” that “shouldn’t be sent” – specifically, “sexting Tracey“.
Dean insisted that at no point did Tracey communicate to him that what was happening was inappropriate and that Tracey had been sending the messages to him. Tracey insisted that she didn’t want to rock the boat. Sean just sort of flapped his mouth and stared into the middle distance.
Tracey ultimately declared that they should just “agree to disagree“, prompting a deeply confused look from Dean, in what was maybe his most relatable gesture to date.
Watch the carnage below:
Dean knows when that hotline bling, that can only mean one thing… 😬📱🗯️ #MAFS pic.twitter.com/EaS1dyexfS
— Married At First Sight (@MarriedAU) March 21, 2018
