Scott Morrison Wants Australia To Know His “Prayer Knees” Are Getting A Workout

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has fronted Parliament this morning in an attempt to give his version of the Big Important Historic Speech™ following his Government’s previous coronavirus shutdown announcements. In the process, however, he resorted to thoughts-and-prayersism, assuring Australians that his “prayer knees” were copping a significant workout throughout the course of the growing crisis.

Morrison addressed Parliament earlier this morning, invoking the “spirit of the ANZACs,” our “Great Depression generation,” and “those who built the Snowy” in mounting a new defence of Australia, in what was at times quite blatantly a War Time address.

Morrison stated that “Life is changing in Australia for every Australian and life is going to continue to change,” and that “for many, young and old, 2020 will be the toughest year of our lives.”

Additionally, he referred to the scale of the pandemic, asserting that it was “obviously bigger than politics, it is bigger than any of us who are in this Chamber, Prime Ministers, Leader of the Oppositions, Ministers, Shadow Ministers, Members of Parliament, bigger than all of us. It is bigger than Premiers, Chief Ministers, captains of industry, leaders of union movements, it is bigger than all of us.”

But the real kicker came towards the end of his speech, where Morrison asserted “will say this, while you may not be able to go to church, the synagogue, the temple or the mosque, I most certainly call on all people of faith in our nation to pray. I can assure you, my prayer knees are getting a good workout.”

He doesn’t have a lot of notes to play, old Scotty, but he’s gonna play them no matter how out of tune they are.