Scott Morrison, Australia’s Most Fucked Boss, Is Calling For An “Early Mark” From Lockdowns

In a sign that national lockdown conditions may be over much sooner rather than any later, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has brought forward a Federal Government decision on whether baseline restrictions should be lifted to next Friday, May 8th. In doing so, he’s suggested that Australia deserves an “early mark” from the restrictions, presenting himself as the deeply weird middle managing boss the nation never really asked for in the process.

Following a national cabinet meeting today, Morrison addressed media, asserting that Australia has now met 11 of 15 conditions for lifting lockdown restrictions set by the Australian Health Protection Principal Committee.

According to the Prime Minister, the COVIDSafe tracking app has now been downloaded over 3.5 million times, but the sees millions more downloads as the golden key to reopening the doors on the Australian economy.

“We need to restart our economy, we need to restart our society. We can’t keep Australia under the doona,” Morrison told media, painting some sort of picture where the Government is holding down the covers and the lockdowns are the farts slowly turning the whole scenario into a giant dutch oven.

Weirder still, in announcing that the Government decision on whether or not baseline restrictions are lifting is being brought forward, Morrison stated “Australians deserve an early mark for the work that they have done.”

An early mark from… the pandemic. Alright then.

Deeply strange Corporate Friend language aside, bringing the decision forward to next Friday now means that National Cabinet will meet twice next week in a bid to hash out a unified approach to repealing lockdown restrictions, which is already beginning to occur in a handful of jurisdictions including NSW, WA, and the Northern Territory.

But as far as nudging the ledger along goes, the Federal Government remains insistent that the COVIDSafe app is the key line of defence for a re-opened Australia to navigate pandemic conditions throughout the coming months until a vaccine is developed.

“We need that tool so we can open the economy. So if you haven’t downloaded the app yet, download it. So it’s over to you Australia,” the Prime Minister stated.

Make of that what you will.