Blessed schoolies. Rite of passage. Blank page between two chapters in the book of life. Almighty piss-up of “David Boon on a Sydney-London flight” proportions.
As year 12 students around the country make god-awful decisions all in the name of blowing the yawn factory known as secondary education, spare a thought for your colder-state mates for whom sub-tropical beach locations aren’t quite as accessible.
Whereas kids in, say, NSW or QLD have the option of going buckwild in their own backyards in places like Byron Bay or the Gold Coast, kids down in Victoria have to make do with places like Phillip Island; which, in November, counts as a beach getaway much in the same way that a Zune counted as an iPod. You’re not fooling anyone.
But I digress.
A bunch of Victorian schoolies out for a lazy float on the bone-cold and unforgiving waters of Bass Strait have had to be fished out of the drink after their inflatable unicorns got sucked into the current and swept out to sea. There’s a perfectly ordinary English sentence for you.
The yarn goes that saltwater fisherman Alex King was out squid fishing off the coast of Cowes on Tuesday arvo, when his keen fisherman’s eye managed to spot a brightly coloured flotilla comprised of two unicorns, a flamingo, and a dinosaur.
Sitting atop this fearsome lung-powered armada was four teenage girls, all of whom had apparently severely underestimated the power of the Western Entrance current, which was threatening to yank them halfway to Tasmania.
King managed to navigate his boat over to them, hauling them in from the deep and ferrying them all safely back to shore, where traditional Schoolies observances such as the beer bong, Goon of Fortune, and drawing dicks on a passed out mate’s forehead presumably resumed.
Let this story be a cautionary tale to all you potential schoolies out there: When tackling waters with a known strong current, make sure your inflatable fauna is at “whale or better” levels.
Anything else and you’re on the fast track to doing yourself a big mischief.