Picture this: You’re lying horizontal on the couch – pizza box resting on your boobs/junk, of course – mindlessly swiping left, left, left in the depths of a Tinder-hole while Master Of None episodes play on loop the background. A standard Sunday night for one and all.

Next minute, up pops THIS.

LITERAL. SCREAMING. AND. SOILING. OF. PANTS.

In case you haven’t worked it out, that’s Pennywise the clown – you know, the one who terrorises small kids in the film ‘It‘. Yes, there are evil clown movie ads on Tinder now. Joy.

Much like when the teens in Nightmare On Elm Street allowed Freddy Krueger into theirs and were promptly sent to death-town, I allowed that fucking CLOWN FACE into my brain. Here are the string of thoughts I had while pondering his stupid face, in exact order.

– the marketing team for the ‘It‘ movie have really kept to theme here, even naming the ad-profile ‘Pennywise‘. I appreciate the strong waft of perfectionism, frankly.

– what happens when you swipe right? I’ve been aggressively swiping a lot of hotties left in the last hour trying to come across Pennywise and I’ve had no luck, and probably banished the love of my life to the pit of left-swipes now so THANKS A LOT, TINDER. NOW I’LL NEVER FIND LOVE. If you’ve come across Pennywise and actually swiped right can you hit me up so I can be removed from this purgatory of ignorance? Thanks.

– Can you purple-lightning-rod Pennywise? Is that the dating app equivalent of saying “Candyman, Candyman, Candyman” into the mirror? Are you annoyed at me for mixing up my evil clown movies? Psych I already KNEW they were different clown movies, jokes on you loser, hehehe. Gotcha.

– I absolutely need to go away from the computer and think about my life for a while and cease writing for the day.

In short, if anyone has found the evil clown man, can you swipe right? And can someone else lightning rod it? And let me know what happens? Let’s work together guys.

Image: It