Considering how many dumb things have already been said in the past few days, this effort by Liberal MP Kevin Andrews is actually quite impressive. You may recognise his name from a couple of years ago when he started a (pretty unsuccessful) program to save Australia from the scourge of divorce, by offering $200 relationship counselling vouchers to people that wanted them. But from this point on you will recognise his name because he has just been given the ‘Stupidest Thing Someone Said About Marriage Equality Today‘ award, which I have just invented, and which he took out in spectacularly idiotic fashion. Congratulations Mr Andrews, you are today’s biggest deadshit.
It all started when Andrews appeared on Sky News to discuss why he believes marriage should exist strictly between a man and a woman, and why he’ll be voting ‘no’ in the marriage equality postal survey. His answer had something to do with changing boundaries, and two people with any agenda being able to get married (terrifying). But the most baffling part of his point came when he began likening same-sex relationships to ‘affectionate’ friendships. Check out the genius analogy he came up with.
— Sky News Australia (@SkyNewsAust) August 14, 2017
“I have an affectionate relationship with my cycling mates, who we go cycling on the weekends, but that’s not marriage.”
No shit? Besides Andrews coming out as bike-sexual, it is really unclear what his point is here. You and your friends like to wear lycra and sit at cafes and drink tiny coffees on the weekend and you like your friends, but the law doesn’t recognise that as a marriage. Similarly, same-sex couples fall in romantic love and have sex and build lives and families together, but the law should also not recognise that as a marriage? Clear as mud, really. People on social media were also unclear on what exactly Kevin was getting at.
We can’t have marriage equality because then Kevin Andrews will want to marry his bike, or something to that effect.
— @email@example.com (@RobCoco) August 14, 2017
Stay tuned to see who wins the award tomorrow, because this is going to keep happening. Every day. For months.