Melb Man Fined After Travelling More Than 5km Because His Housemates Were Fucking Too Loud

The problem with there being just the four hard-and-fast rules for leaving the house in Melbourne under Stage 4 lockdowns is that there isn’t a lot of room for nuance. The interpretations are strict, fairly inflexible, and don’t leave anyone much wiggle room. For the most part, that’s a good thing. Efforts in Melbourne to battle the coronavirus outbreak only work if all legs are moving in the same direction. But on rare occasions – only ever so often – there’s individual scenarios where you can’t help but think the person-in-question is a bit stiff. Take, for example, today’s most notable lockdown fine, featuring a man who was slugged with a fine after he fled his house due to the booming sounds of rooting.

A short time ago State Government officials issued their daily summary of COVID fines, and chief among is the curious case of one man, his housemate’s intimate partner, and a desperate search for a little peace and quiet.

Per the press release, Police assert that the unidentified man was slugged with the fine at around 7:30pm on Sunday evening – which crucially is not within curfew hours – after being found sitting in his car in a Maribyrnong car park that was over 5kms from his residence.

When asked why he was outside the mandated travel radius, the man reportedly told police that his “housemate’s intimate partner was over” and that “the couple were being too loud in the bedroom” so he “left the house to get peace and quiet.”

There’s obviously the question of why he had to drive 5kms away to get said peace and quiet, although there’s always the chance that the sound of the aforementioned bedroom antics was so Herculean that it carried on the wind several suburbs over.

Still, if “escaping the unholy sounds of a housemate having ludicrous sex” doesn’t fall under the “care” or “care giving” definitions of the core reasons to leave the house, then maybe we need a wee re-think.

Just a wee one.

Not spending too much time on it or anything.