Lucky SOBs Who Saw ‘Cursed Child’ Previews Sworn To Total Secrecy

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Published

June 8, 2016

This is almost too much to deal with.

The first lucky SOBs who got to see previews of ‘Harry Potter and the Cursed Child‘ won’t be spoiling the plot anytime soon, after J.K. Rowling and ~the play~ (if it was a sentient being, which in Harry Potter world it probably could be) asked theatre-goers to “Keep the Secrets“.

“You’ve been amazing for years at keeping Harry Potter secrets so you didn’t spoil the books for readers who came after you,” said Rowling in a specially-released video.

“So i’m asking you one more time to keep the secrets, and let audience members enjoy Cursed Child with all the surprises we’ve built into the story. Thank you.”

(Here’s looking at you, absolute fuck-knuckles who spent the latter half of 2005 yelling “Snape kills Dumbledore” from the swamps from whence you came.)

The 1,500 audience members were even given badges asking them to “keep the secrets”.

The play picks up exactly where the Deathly Hallows left off, 19 years after the Battle of Hogwarts and with Albus Potter (Sam Clemmett) about to start school, presumably also getting into trouble with Rose Granger-Weasley (Cherrelle Skeete) and Scorpio Malfoy (Anthony Boyle).

And it looks this shit isn’t all Chocolate Frog Cards and Hippogriffs:

“It was always difficult being Harry Potter and it isn’t much easier now that he is an overworked employee of the Ministry of Magic, a husband and father of three school-age children,” the synopsis goes.

“While Harry grapples with a past that refuses to stay where it belongs, his youngest son Albus must struggle with the weight of a family legacy he never wanted. As past and present fuse ominously, both father and son learn the uncomfortable truth: sometimes, darkness comes from unexpected places.”

~ ominous ~

It also, according to the BBC [VERY MINOR SPOILER INCOMING] involves “an artefact from Harry’s past”. WTF??! Is it the Marauder’s Map? A leftover Horcrux? Dobby?? (Just kidding that was an awful + factually incorrect thing to say, apologies.)

While it wasn’t *technically* reviews night, a few of them are coming in anyway, with The Telegraph writing that “the audience came in wanting magic, and they got it in spades.”

“The storyline, a hymn to friendship and teenage misfits, contains enough twists to please the most knowledgable of fans, who remained resolutely tight-lipped about the plot as they spilled onto the pavement in raptures afterwards. Any fears that the world of Hogwarts on stage would struggle to compete with the multi-million dollar special effects of film were quickly kicked into touch.”

Time Out London also spoke to fans immediately afterwards, and holyfuckingshit it looks ridiculous:

WATCH: reactions to @HPPlayLDN‘s Harry Potter & The #CursedChild! (No spoilers, #KeepTheSecrets) pic.twitter.com/gNysnwoOvu

— Time Out London (@TimeOutLondon) June 7, 2016

The play – which is in two parts – doesn’t open till July 30, after which the script will also be published for anyone unable to make the trip to London. After selling 175,000 copies in the first 24-hours, this thing is already topping best-seller lists.