Before we go any further on this one, PEDESTRIAN.TV would like to make sure y’all know we’re not having a laugh at this bloke’s expense. There’s a very real chance the Melbourne man, who awoke this morning unexpectedly in a Crown Casino airshaft, found himself there through some very dubious circumstances – maybe he had his drink spiked, or he was the target of a poorly-planned hit. You know, properly nefarious shit. Not nice.
That being said, if all of those conspiratorial explanations are done away with… seriously mate, how the fuck do you end up in a bloody casino airshaft?
7 News reports the man was able to contact emergency services on his phone, which miraculously still had enough of a charge to access Google Maps, so he could direct rescuers to his precise location. “Yeah, erm, I’m stuck in what I believe to be an airshaft” wouldn’t exactly pass muster, ya know?
Extraordinarily, this isn’t even the first time this has happened. In 2010, a greased-up interloper had to be extracted from an exhaust shaft at the Crown Complex after an 11-hour ordeal. At the time, police described the scene as looking like “like a cow had just given birth.” That guy also had no recollection of how he got there. REALLY.
Now, if you’ll excuse us, we need to go lie down. This is all too much. Actually, you know what? We’ve heard the roofs on Southbank are particularly swell this time of night…
