Welp, Here It Is, History’s Worst Job Ad

If you were to give me a choice between having all my fingers cut off with the saw part of a Swiss Army knife or having a five-minute conversation with someone who describes themselves as an ‘entrepreneur’, I would politely ask if I could have some time to think about it and could maybe get back to you about it tomorrow. In a time when it is largely used to describe people with money who somehow secured even more money to make brain fart ideas that only work if they run at a loss, the word ‘entrepreneur’ functions as something of a red flag to me. Oftentimes, my suspicions are proved to be correct.

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Take this Melbourne job ad making the rounds on Twitter today, which offers the prospective employee an “opportunity to look inside the mind of a successful, fast paced, intense, sometimes chaotic, passionate, easygoing, adventurous 28 year old entrepreneur“:

Sounds so terrible that it surely must be fake? It is, sort of. It is indeed not for a real position in Australia, but we only know this because the text is ripped entirely from a very real job ad in the US.

The position advertised to be the executive (& personal) assistant to Easy Pay Direct founder Brad Weimert is largely identical bar a few changes:

  • The ‘entrepreneur’s age is changed from 38 to 28
  • References to EPD (Easy Pay Direct) have been removed
  • The words “Life’s full of bullshit” have been removed from the bullet point about being able to deal with profanity
  • The position has been changed from part-time to full-time, with $10,000 added to the minimum salary (presumably to make it more inline with Australian wages instead of America’s hellscape wages)

There’s a possibility that someone copied it because they believed it to be a very good job ad that they could use for themselves, but it seems much more likely that they’ve done it as a joke, because this ad is terrible.

How could working for someone who is “intense“, “chaotic“, and “fastpaced” while simultaneously “easygoing” sound bad? Let’s have a look at some highlights.

From the sound of it, you will be doing a lot of unpaid overtime:

From the inner workings of business operations, high level social soirees, business negotiations, property management and business travel — to handling and owning the challenging moments and tasks that a successful business and bizarre, interesting personal life is built on, you’ll get to experience it all first hand. With a close relationship, you’ll learn his personality and voice and ultimately manage the majority of his day to day activities, scheduling, correspondence, project management, research, & errands – among other activities.

If you want to clock in and clock out of your job – this isn’t for you. Expect after hours and weekend calls from time to time. Life doesn’t stop when the work day does – High performers work until their tasks are done, NOT just until the clock runs out.

Let us take no time to speculate on what “among other activities” could possibly refer to.

If successful in your application, you will be required to make Weimert “look good, feel good and perform at a higher level“, while you also “help uplift [him] to new levels; personally and professionally“. Those responsibilities are, of course, separate but complementary to your requirement to “Maintain Alignment in the CEO’s life“. Sure.

You will get to do an extraordinary range of things. Actually, probably too many things. Your duties include:

  • Organizing & Prioritizing the ongoing, never-ending list of tasks that need to be done
  • Miscellaneous tasks for CEO – Personal & Business (from coffee to contract execution)
  • Organising events
  • Travelling to those events
  • Organising the travel to those events for everyone else
  • Organising more events
  • Maintaining and creating digital assets
  • Writing
  • Researching
  • Interaction with a variety of entrepreneurs” (read: being tortured)
  • Property management
  • Managing Weimert’s calendar
  • Miscellaneous tasks for CEO – Personal & Business“, again (this one is in there twice)

Oh, on top of that, you are also in charge of cleaning the office.

You can read the whole thing here, in addition to watching a video that will make it seem even worse, somehow.