Not following along with the utter madness that is the UK General Election today? Two key points:

  • The Tories are eating an historic and utterly unexpected amount of shit.
  • Jeremy Corbyn is popping off so hard rumour has it he’s off tipping trolleys in a Tesco somewhere as we speak.

Corbyn’s unbelievable performance for Labour looks like swiping away what was previously thought to be a safe Conservative majority, with the red men and women on-track to gain over 30 seats. Which is, frankly, bloody unreal.

Cries of “JEZZAAAAAAA” and “HERE WE… HERE WE… HERE WE FUCKEN GO” have been ringing out all day as the British people voted to pull a stunning about-face from the right-wing boilover of Brexit a few months ago.

While Corbyn will probably not be installed as the Kingdom’s new Prime Minister, the sheer amount of seats he’s wrested away from Theresa May will surely have dire consequences for the Conservatives, and absolutely throws into question May’s tenability as PM, with the Tories now faced with a brutal hung parliament and the utter chaos that will surely follow.

Also, Jezza totally high-fived a boob.

That’s Shadow Foreign Secretary Emily Thornberry with Big Jez there, celebrating Labour’s triumph and apparently not following through with the back end of what has to be a secret Labour celebration handshake, leading Corbyn to go in for the high-five and find nothing but profoundly awkward chest.

Critics always said Jezza’s aim was a little off, but this is pretty literal. Still, it’s the first miss of the day for the good boy. We’ll give it a pass this time.

Thornberry, always watch the elbow.

And Jezza? Mate, tip of the cap to ya, you bloody animal.

Source: Twitter.