Fuck me sideways this is good shit.
Famed Harvard University dropout Mark Zuckerberg has risen through the ranks since his days at the prestigious Massachusetts institution to become one of the school’s most well-known alums, despite… y’know… never actually graduating.
Nevertheless, Harvard still takes extreme pride in being the place where Facebook was conceived, stolen, founded, and developed. And as such, Zuckerberg was invited back to his alma mater to deliver the oft-celebrity driven commencement speech to the graduating class of 2017.
The ordinarily stiff and extremely serious student newspaper, the Harvard Crimson, would have probably had plans to cover the speech in an extremely serious manner.
Only problem is that some absolute genius somehow got hold of the Crimson’s frontpage before that could happen and trolled Zuckerberg into dust.
It. Was. Glorious.
Seems like The Harvard Crimson was hacked for a little while today and, well, just look: pic.twitter.com/3kFzOIjUvp
— Sarah McLaughlin (@sarahemclaugh) May 25, 2017
Holy shit, I cannot breathe.
Take a closer look at some of the absolute pearlers the website (briefly) featured as headlines:
“Mick Zollywop.” “Fast Kayaking Winklekrux twins.” “How Come Everyone Talks About How I Stole Facebook But Nobody Talks About How I Murdered Eduardo Saverin.”
Holy mother of god.
Not many of the headlines on the frontpage actually linked through to full-fledged articles, although sleuths who were quick enough to go snooping while the masterful rinsing was still active found additional headlines like this barnburner…
The Harvard Crimson has been hacked (or this is a big joke. not sure) pic.twitter.com/jku2Vt2sV5
— Steve Kovach (@stevekovach) May 25, 2017
…and one lone full article that was all of a single sentence in length.
The Crimson wrested control of their frontpage back shortly after the apparent hack went down and issued an extremely Crimson-ish statement on the matter.
A few hours ago, an unauthorized user altered The Crimson’s website. We regret any inconvenience to our readers.
— The Harvard Crimson (@thecrimson) May 25, 2017
But even still, the plot continued to thicken.
After Gizmodo broke the incredible yarn, the tech publisher was apparently contacted by two individuals who identified as the “Winklevink twins,” claiming that “Mark Zickleberg” had stolen their idea to hack The Crimson’s website, and that they were definitely not responsible and nor were they members of the Harvard Lampoon (who they referred to as “geniuses“).
So there you have it. “Someone” who was definitely, absolutely, 100% not the Harvard Lampoon hacked into the Harvard Crimson‘s CMS and posted a series of increasingly hilarious headlines thoroughly flaying Mark Zuckerberg on the eve of the Zuck-man returning to campus for a commencement speech.
We repeat: It was definitely not totally the Lampoon that did it.
— Harvard Lampoon (@harvardlampoon) May 25, 2017
Absolutely wasn’t very much them.