In a move that’s akin to trying to verify your own coolness by citing your Mother as a source, Google is trying to debunk what it seems to think are myths about the much hyped but mystifyingly (to them) still not beloved product, the Glass. In a blog post on their similar “It’ll work, damn it! Just stay with us!”-fated social media platform, Google Plus, the Google team has produced a list of reasons why all those things you think about what the Glass is and the kind of people who use it are wrong, and also you should feel bad for thinking such stupid things.
The list, which kind of feels like a crotchety pedant attempting to defend laser disc, includes mind-expanding revelations such as the fact that, apparently, everyone who currently uses glass are nothing but “technology-worshipping geeks” in the eyes of the public. “Not true!” screams Google, with its hand shot in the air like a mature-age University student who you just know has the Benny Hill theme as its ringtone. According to Google, “Our Explorers” – a word they actually used to describe people – “come from all walks of life. They include parents, firefighters, zookeepers, brewmasters, film students, reporters and doctors.” So god help you if you’re a paramedic, any other kind of student or… something that’s fundamentally opposite of whatever the hell a brewmaster is supposed to be.
The list goes further, debunking the apparently widespread myth that Glass is always recording everything all the time forever. “False!” asserts Google, as it re-adjusts its black Guinness World Tour shirt it got from the original brewery’s gift shop whilst backpacking through Ireland. In fact, Google Glass CAN’T record everything all the time forever, because “Glass isn’t designed for or even capable of always-on recording (the battery won’t last longer than 45 minutes before it needs to be charged)” Which is both a startlingly frank assessment, and also an accidental admission that the device’s battery has about as much juice in it as a dried onion.
Other revelations include the fact that, despite costing $1500, it’s not a device that’s strictly for the wealthy (some people used KICKSTARTER to get it!) and a defence of privacy that delves into the rich history of societal fears and moral panic.
But don’t just take my word for it. The entire article can be read here. It’s an enlightening read, and might change your mind on a few things you didn’t actually know were things to begin with.
Photo: Justin Sullivan for Getty Images.
