Arrr, avast ye scurvy cur! Don yer eye-patch and strap on yer finest peg leg, for International Talk Like a Pirate Day be upon us once more, creepin’ up on our backs like the unerring passage of time.
But how do ye make the most of this most auspicious of days and come out of it like you’ve stared Davey Jones Locker in the cold, black eyes, and come away with nary a scratch? Like you’ve plundered the length n’ breadth o’er the seven seas and finally stumbled across the legendary treasure of Blackbeard himself?
We’re keen to help the driest of landlubbers among ye turn yourselves into the saltiest dogs around, if only for a mere day, with the following unsolicited advice.
DRINK RUM
This be the main point of every Talk Like A Pirate Day, see? – the clear and direct order to imbibe the amber nectar of the sea. Not unlike a random sampling of humanity, rum comes in a veritable rainbow of colours, creeds and flavours. You can stand to learn a thing or two about the wonderful world of rum in all its glorious variation with this, our spirited guide to the beverage more good times prefer.
WATCH THESE TALES OF WRETCHED PIRATE SCUM
What better way to cast off on yer day of plunderin’ than by soaking up some classic tales of high seas antics? Though ye mind might run straight to the Pirates of the Caribbean films – and with good reason too, they’re wee crackers the lot of ’em – your cup runneth over with tales of a similar nature.
Hook, Muppet Treasure Island, The Princess Bride, even The Goonies. All are perfectly acceptable tales of original pirate material. Though, ‘course, the tales of Jack Sparrow are the most modern and true tales of the scurvy high seas.
The rum ain’t gone anywhere, Cap’n Jack. The rum ain’t gone anywhere.
LISTEN TO THIS
Even the greatest Pirates of all would relax with a hearty shanty. Let yer hair down! Pour yourself a refreshing drink and dance a merry jig with yer best guy or gal. And though the days of pure Pirate music might be lost to the depths of the ocean, along with many a ship, the spirit of it lives on through folk and punk rock. Think Gogol Bordello! Think Flogging Molly! Think The Pogues and Dropkick Murphys!
Truly a fine mob with ditty’s fit for a Captain’s crew. Through the magic of the Internet – the lawless ocean of the modern world – we’ve gone and crafted ye a fine playlist full of songs that should surely energise the very ends of your limbs.
DRESS IN THIS MANNER
It simply wouldn’t be a proper celebration of the mighty Freebooter if ye just spoke with the tongue, but didn’t look the part as well. Plunder yer local costume shop if need be, or simply fashion yourself an eye-patch and a pirate’s hat out of the morning newspaper.
But be it know that the more effort you put into how pirate you look, the more likely you are to win any roaming costume contests you might come across in your travels.
GO HERE AND PROSPER
If a place to imbibe ye be seeking, we’ve got the good oil for ye. If yer ship be docked in the Bay of Botany, and ye be skulking around the murky streets of Sydney, we suggest ye look no further than The Cliff Dive in the leafy depths of Darlinghurst. All the choices in rum ye could ever want is held within, and for a few gold doubloons, a fine, delicious cocktail will be mixed up to yer liking.
But if yer anchor be dropped in the Bay of Port Phillip, and yer boots be clunking ’round the alleys of Melbourne, then make a course for Fitzroy and the island bar called LuWow, where a bar with more rum than ye can shake a stick at resides. What the honourable Captain of the bar don’t know about rum ain’t worth knowing. Shake the man’s hand, exchange a few pieces of eight, and soon you’ll be relaxed, laid back, and imaginin’ yer on the sun-kissed shores of Acapulco.
If you dock in the Sunshine State, Substation No. 41 Rum Bar at the Breakfast Creek Hotel should be your port of call for any and all rum-related enquiries. Should you brave the circumnavigation of this fair country and the direction you’re headed in is West, The Sail and Anchor in Freemantle is our pick for a good plunderin’.
Or just roll up in there and be like this instead.
Either way will work.
LEARN HOW TO DO THIS
The mannerisms of a Pirate be the most important thing. It be one thing to talk like a pirate, and another to dress like one. But it be a different kettle of fish entirely to walk and act like a true rebel of the seven seas. Get yer arms flailin’ like a loose sail in a storm, and yer Talk Like A Pirate Day will be just about complete.
AND FINALLY, PLUNDER A BOOTY OF YOUR CHOOSING
Captain’s orders. It be only right. Take from this final offering of sage and unsolicited wisdom what you will. In the spirit of the day, treasure above all the wellbeing of yourself and others.
Photo by Matt Cardy via Getty Images
If you’re looking to celebrate International Talk Like A Pirate Day (Friday 19th of September) with a sip of the good stuff look no further than BWS and their many rum specials currently on offer. Head HERE for more info.
