President Cheeseburger Fed A Sports Team 300 Big Macs At The White House

Last week, the Clemson Tigers became America‘s college football champions with a huge win over Alabama. It was a big deal: the game cemented young quarterback Trevor Lawrence as one of the biggest talents of his generation, and set up Clemson as the team most likely to lead the next decade of college-level dominance.

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Today, they were recognised for that achievement with soggy McDonald‘s burgers at the White House, allegedly at the courtesy of President Donald Trump himself.

“We have pizzas, 300 hamburgers, many many french fries,” Trump said today, waving his hands over a spread of fast food organised for the players.

Footage of the event, complete with ornate candelabras above stacks of Big Macs, sure is something:

While it is customary for a sitting president to welcome the National Collegiate Athletic Association champs to the White House, catering for invited guests is usually handled by the White House itself.

However, the ongoing government shutdown – brought about by Trump’s failed attempt to convince Congress to pass funding for his southern border wall, and his refusal to drop the issue – means many workers in the public sector are temporarily out of work.

That includes White House caterers, hence the spread.

Speaking to reporters at the scene, Trump said he personally paid for the “great American food.” We eagerly await the Freedom of Information Act requests on that one.

There you have it. Win a national title, bolster your chances of being selected to professionally play a sport proven to wreck brains, and get sweaty buns served on a silver platter for your efforts.

It looks like a deleted scene from Trump’s Home Alone cameo. It looks like a young child’s fever dream about what they’d do upon becoming president. It looks like a joke. According to one Clemson player’s remark at the scene, that’s what they thought it was: