Expired 2L Carton Of Full Cream Milk Clive Palmer Is Aiming For A Political Comeback This Year

clive palmer

Everyone’s least favourite billionaire with a penchant for fuckery, Clive Frederick Palmer, is aiming to make a political comeback by running for the Australian Senate. Best of luck to ya, mate. Dream big I guess, fucko. Go big or go home, buddy.

Yes, it’s true, Palmer has another heaping pile of cash to burn and a political dream that just won’t quit, and he’s set his sights on another stint in the big chair.

At the next election, Palmer will be leading the Queensland ticket, facing head-to-head with part-time political cartoonist, part-time dementor and full-time racism allegation facer Pauline Hanson, as well as former QLD Premier Campbell Newman.

Clive also has a team of other United Australia Party binches who aim to win seats across every state and territory in Australia.

“We are very confident we will win senate seats in Queensland,” Palmer said during a press conference on Wednesday.

“In February we will commence the largest and most extensive political campaign in the nation’s history.”

Nice. Hopefully, it’s like the 2019 election where Palmer spent around $83 million and didn’t win a single seat. Billionaires burning cash irks the fuck out of me, but Palmer literally shoving dollars into a fire tickles me. Waste that money, (REDACTED)!

“Our objective at the last election was to ensure Bill Shorten did not become Prime Minister… we got exactly what we wanted,” he said.

“The reason I’ve come back into politics and taken a key role at this important time is because of the state of the nation.

“I‘d like to be on my boat but I’m not, I’m in this situation.”

Oh no, you can definitely be on your boat. Let’s all convince Palmer that we love seeing him on his boat. Send him on a Jessica Watson. Let him never return.

Palmer, a noted anti-vaxxer who recruited text-obsessed Craig Kelly into his numbers last year like some Jabba the Hutt-type crimelord also has wild ambitions to ignore vaccine mandates including mandatory check-ins.

In fact, he didn’t even check in to give his press conference in Brisbane.

“We will not let (mandates) stop us, that is another game of repression that the government takes,” he said.

“It might stop a lot of people without money.

“I have enough money to pay for lawyers who love doing these things, that is their business, they enjoy it.”

God. Someone tell this toad to fuck off.