Ever see one of those films where someone either finds a magical wish-granting genie or nymph or demon or monkey paw or whatever and runs buckwild with the wishes, only to be brought horribly unstuck because their wishes weren’t specific enough to avoid exploitation and consequence? Think of Twitter as that monkey paw: A wondrous resource of mild sociopaths who will help you attain anything your heart desires, but will fuck you up mercilessly if your request isn’t watertight.
Case in point: A young bloke by the name of Rory doing the good boy thing of trying to score his mate Nick a few cheeky birthday drinks on the house. The pub they went to, Banker’s Draft in Sheffield, England, happens to have its own special app that lets practically anyone shout you a drink.
Putting two and two together, the lads came up with an ingenious scheme: Put the call out on Twitter, and sit back as the Precious Bevington’s flow in completely free of charge.
https://twitter.com/RoryMeep/status/910507996593246208
Only problem is the pub’s entire drinks and food menu is listed on the app. And the boys were ah… not very specific in what they wanted.
The first indication that something was about to go horribly wrong came in the form of booze-free frothies.
https://twitter.com/RoryMeep/status/910510443789242369
But then came the milk.
Lots and lots of milk.
https://twitter.com/RoryMeep/status/910512274514857986
https://twitter.com/RoryMeep/status/910514491816857601
https://twitter.com/RoryMeep/status/910525169160114177
‘Course with food also being an option to send, someone decided to make sure young Nick was getting enough greens.
https://twitter.com/RoryMeep/status/910519338742042624
‘Course it weren’t all bad. Some nice people supplemented the joke orders with the occasional boozy beverage.
https://twitter.com/RoryMeep/status/910527379726045184
And they did also receive a thoughtful little treat to celebrate Nick’s special day.
https://twitter.com/RoryMeep/status/910516022607785986
They left the pub, but apparently the orders kept rolling in for table 67. So if you’re in the area and keen to roll the dice on a free treat or random drink, it might be smart to go post yourself up and see what happens.
Realistically, “the daily recommended intake of calcium” is about as good a birthday gift as you could ever get, so… many happy returns, Nick! Your bones will thank you.
