Human Radish Barnaby Joyce Finally Declared Vikki Campion As His Partner

Unbelievable that it’s finally come to this: Barnaby Joyce has made his relationship with Vikki Campion official but putting not a ring, but a standard declaration of interests form on it.

The former deputy Prime Minister made his relationship with his former media advisor official in the eyes of Parliament by updating his Register of Interests to list Campion as his partner.

The entire saga, which ultimately cost Joyce his job as the leader of the National Party and the unhinged lunatic in charge of being Australia’s 2IC, surrounded the fact that ministerial standards dictate that any relationship between a frontbench politician and a direct employee of their office must be given Prime Ministerial approval.

Joyce’s argument throughout the fallout was that the rule did not apply to him, with Barnaby continually denying the affair.

However, as these things tend to do, it all came out in the wash, with Campion being revealed to be pregnant. Quite unbelievably, Joyce labelled the pregnancy as a “grey area” and publicly questioned the paternity of the unborn child, which we’re sure went down well when he returned home from work that day.

Joyce confirmed the relationship on February 13th, confirming one of Auspol’s worst-kept secrets. However he only updated his register of interests last week, on March 19th. That date is outside the 28-day window inside which register interests are required to be made.

So there it is, mates. There’s that. One giant mess that almost perfectly encapsulates how batshit Auspol truly is.