Grab your tightest pair of gold hot pants and book a flight to Berlin right this instant: the queen of fucking everything, Kylie Minogue, is performing at the infamous Berghain this March.
The Come Into My World singer has announced her tour schedule for next month and the hedonistic German hotspot is her final stop on March 20. Better The Devil You Know, we guess.
But it begs the question – will Sven, the club’s longstanding bouncer, even let her in?!
The techno destination is notorious for being extremely difficult to penetrate (once you’ve in, though, penetration is encouraged).
It’s not uncommon to stand in line for upwards of three hours, only to be denied entry for arbitrary reasons. Unlike crappy Melbourne clubs, the bouncer won’t even bless you with a made-up reason – “it’s members night bro and you’re wearing crocs” – he’ll just grunt and turn you away.
losers people aren’t too happy with the gig, wishing Charlene Robinson would stay in the suburban realms of Ramsey St:
Kylie Minogue is playing Berghain and Gorilla on her next tour… pic.twitter.com/NBFclorZNS— Parklife (@Parklifefest) February 8, 2018
Fuck off— Ronnie (@RonnieJM67) February 8, 2018
sell outs— Scott Stratford (@ScottStratford1) February 8, 2018
'I was in Berghain last time I went to Berlin'— JB (@JackBrolly) February 8, 2018
'Awh class man, who'd u see?! I'd say there's claaaaaassss techno in there, man.'
To these naysayers, we’ll say this: Kylie reinvented herself from a margarine-wouldn’t-melt-in-er-mouth Neighbours actress to a hot-pant heavy, hell-raising disco diva for Light Years, and she can damn well do it again.
The intimate European tour is to promote her latest album, Golden.
The album is expected to drop in all its shimmering glory on April 6th, but we’ve already been treated to a toe-tapping taste with the release of the lead single, Dancing.
Kylie will begin Spinning Around on March 13 in London’s Café de Paris before kicking on to Gorilla in Manchester on March 14. Fans will be able to Confine In her at Bikini Club in Barcelona on March 16 before Getting Out Of Her Way at Café de la Danse on March 18. The tour is fast, not Slow, and ends with her Berghain performance two days later.
Get it girl. If you need us, we’ll be on the Dancefloor.