Dear Jerk,
Yep, we’re starting this by letting you know exactly where you stand. You’re a jerk.
Why are you a jerk? It’s simple. Trying to convince your sexual partners out of using condoms is Not Okay. Not even a little bit, not even at all. It’s not on, apparently much like the condoms that you’ve been trying to sneak a peen out of.
And there’s nothing you can say or do that will convince me otherwise. I do not care if it’s uncomfortable. I do not care if it feels better without one. I definitely do not care if you mistakenly believe that you have the ‘pull out game’ to know precisely when a spunk eruption is impending.
I also do not want a bar of it if you want a child but your partner doesn’t, because I’m NOT just talking to whoever HAS the penis. If you’ve got a vagina and you don’t want your sexual partner wearing a condom, that isn’t okay either.
Here’s the thing, folks: being sexually active is a responsibility. Do you realise that wearing a condom DRASTICALLY reduces your chances of catching a sexually transmissible infection?
Male condoms have a 98% effectiveness rating when they’re used correctly, so you can say ciao to chlamydia and goodbye to gonorrhoea when you wear one.
Now, let’s be real here: you should be getting yourself checked regularly for these infections anyway. Whenever you have a new sexual partner, or at least once a year, you should march your sexually active butt down to the local GP or sexual health clinic to make sure you’re clear.
Testing isn’t something to be ashamed of, or hide away. It’s a totally normal thing, and if more people were open about it, then we’d have much less trouble with things like this. Being able to have an open dialogue with a potential sexual partner about their health and about protection? That’s priceless.
Plus, even if you are clear, that’s no reason not to wear a condom anyway. Why? Because aside from the very real risk of STIs, the risk of pregnancy is WAY higher. Penis possessors: do you want a kid? No? Then don’t put your sexual partner at risk of having one. Hooha havers: does your partner want a kid? No? Don’t put them at risk of having one either.
Do I need to remind you of Elle Woods‘ iconic assertion in the OG Legally Blonde, where she reminds us all that in situations where a child may have been conceived in a condom-less one night stand, masturbatory emissions without wilful intent could be regarded as reckless abandonment?
Or remind you of the fact that intentionally removing or convincing someone out of using a condom can be considered a form of assault? Yeah, bet you didn’t think about THAT.
I’ll level with you: this has happened to me once before. I was dating someone who insisted that they were “too big” to wear a condom and that if they did wear one it would “strangle his penis”. Folks, if anyone tells you this, kindly direct them here.
But the really dodgy thing was that after I insisted and he conceded, it later came to light that during the sex, he’d removed it without my knowledge. I don’t need to tell you how deeply messed up that is.
A condom won’t prevent you from getting off, but pressuring someone into not using one should — because anyone who cops that pressure should be saying a flat out no.
Do not do this to people. They did not consent to that. You are putting everyone at risk, and you are a jerk.
Do better.
If you want to know more about STIs and how to protect yourself better, head here for more information.
